Gather round kittens. Today is the start of “National Life Goes as Planned for Mom’s Week.”
C’est vrai. It is a true national week, coined by MOI. If what the week means isn’t clear to you from the title, then let’s review.
I’ve taken it upon myself to coin this week so we can have one week of peace in the land. One week where no nanny’s quit, where every nanny shows up to work and on time, where all childcare goes as planned, where all babies and children are healthy, where no extra traffic makes you late for work or getting home, where nothing dramatic happens at work to cause too much extra stress and where husbands complete the tasks they are asked after just one time of asking.
Such a week is possible! And with a little power of positive thinking, clicking your ruby slippers together and repeating it enough, and maybe a little threatening of the life of your beloved mate – all your simple dreams for this one week will come true! Instead of setting aside complaining for this week, we will instead believe in the power and beauty of National Life Goes as Planned for Mom’s week.
So, let’s get started.
First – breathe out all the anger. Go ahead. Take a few deep breaths. If you cursed a few people on your way into work this morning or felt annoyed with your husband, go ahead, breathe it out. I know you can. (NOTE: I am deliberately not mentioning my flat tire or ongoing mouse infestation, that is being saved for another day).
Now – for this first Monday, we will celebrate the beauty of childcare in its purest form. That’s right, baby wakes up at a decent hour and is healthy (Note: for any newbie’s or mom’s-to-be out there, first key word is DECENT HOUR. I leave it to you to decide what that time is. Pour moi, it’s anytime after 6am), childcare provider arrives to your home (note: second key word is ARRIVES – doesn’t call in sick, isn’t late, doesn’t quit – she arrives). If you go to daycare, your beloved childcare provider in your child’s room is, in fact, at work today and not out sick or on another job interview.
Pour moi, and for those of you following my nanny drama of March 2007, my new nanny is starting today. I believe she will actually show up. I even obsessively confirmed that with her last week. SO this week, I am certain, is starting off right for me.
OK – so we are off to a good start. It’s Monday morning, there is the possibility that spring will truly arrive and actually stick around, we’ve breathed out our anger, and we have solid childcare lined up for the week. Go forth, dear kittens, and enjoy this day, this beginning of the week celebrating our lives in their simplest, least dramatic, most ideal form.
Tune in tomorrow, for we will be celebrating the husband’s completing tasks portion of the week. I know, I know. It might require more than one day, but we will try. We just might need to breathe out the anger a little more than usual and click those ruby heels together repeating “I will kill you if you don’t complete the task. DO IT. NOW,” a few more times.
In closing, this week is like Santa for Mom’s. You gotta believe in the magic to help make it all work, kittens. Just believe.