It’s called life.

You got it spring kittens. Today we are going to talk about life. And even better, my life. We love to talk about moi here at KT. So let’s get started.

Young, doe-eyed KT used to live life according to a plan. Sure, sometimes it was a shell of a plan but most of the time it was a pretty detailed plan. I was that annoying upperclassmen with a job in my future “field” by my junior year of college (don’t worry, I spent all of high school and the first half of college, drinking too much and staying out too late, I’m not that much of a dork).

In my senior year, I was busy in the student center every evening on my word processor (that’s right…email was just starting…I basically had a typewriter.) banging out resumes that I MAILED (you got it, post office style, not emailed) to prospective employers in the hopes of landing a job interview.

I graduated (ahem…with honors). I got a job, I moved to the city, I got rid of one awful boyfriend and moved onto my future husband, got engaged, got into graduate school, got married, and my career kept blossoming.

Everything was going according to plan. I was going to keep making more money, keep advancing in my career, keep traveling, keep working hard, hell, someday, I hoped to run an entire corporate communications department. It was great. Really.

And then I had a baby.

And see, I was still pretty slow on the uptake.

I somehow made it through maternity leave in some kind of hazy, dream like fog, never really sure if this was really my life. Lots of days I found myself wondering when the real parents of this kid were going to come home because I was really ready for a nap.

I even laughed out loud when I said things like “I have a doctor’s appointment for my daughter at 11am.” – I mean – me? Daughter? Seriously? Think of Beavis and Butthead laughing, that was me laughing to myself upon hearing the words “my daughter” coming out of my mouth.

Seriously.

So what’s my point in all of this?

My point is this – there is no way to believe just how much a baby changes everything until you have one. A dear pregnant friend of mine commented earlier this week that her career must basically stay on the same upward track, despite the baby, and she’s really quite sure she can manage all the hours and the travel, that she can be that supermom.

Shockingly enough, I actually bit my tongue because what I found myself thinking was this:

I feel like supermom when I make it out the door in a presentable outfit and actually just get to work.

And even more so – I am now that person that doesn’t want any more responsibility at work. I don’t want a promotion, I don’t want to travel, and I sure as hell don’t want to run an entire department every day. I just want to get done what I need to get done, take some pride in a good day’s work, and go home to the responsibility that matters most to me now.

So her “supermom” comment really struck me. Mainly because through my maternity leave, I still failed to recognize just how difficult it was going to be to leave my baby and go to work. I still failed to realize just how much I’d changed. And that I was ok with it. I was aware that change was occurring and that my feelings were different but it was so dramatic and so unexpected. I didn’t see it coming at all. I really didn’t.

It still amazes me, 17 months later. I built up expectations for myself and my plan for so many years, and I was so sure of it. I was so sure of myself and my ambition and my career goals – only to have it all change.

I really think this is one of the most remarkable things about becoming a parent. The self-transformation. I’m not saying that every mother has this same change, or that it makes you a better or worse mom, I’m just saying that we all change.

The way we handle it, accept it, and digest it is different. But it happens, one way or the other. Because along the way – you go from loving your husband but still having many selfish desires and feelings, to loving your child more than anything in the world.

I mean hell. When I hear a love song on the radio, I think of my baby now! Not my husband.

Seriously.

I’m that much of a dork.

Anyway, one KT friend said that she thinks my entries are streams of consciousness. I’m well aware that today’s is very much a stream of consciousness.

I have been thinking about my friend’s “Supermom” comment all week. I have two other dear friends who are due to have their babies within a month. Babies babies everywhere. And I must admit, watching your friends become Moms is amazing. I can’t wait to see it happen. I can’t wait to see how they change, I can’t wait to meet their babies.

And I will be the first to say – being a supermom just means loving your baby as best you can. Anything more than that, if you can find the time, is just like adding a few sprinkles to your ice cream.

One of the most overwhelming things about being a new parent is learning all the rules. There are lots of experts out there – and they will put the fear of God in you over the slightest, smallest thing. Everyone learns in baby care class to put your baby BACK to sleep for fear of SIDS, we learn that bumper pads should be removed because your child could move up against them and suffocate to death, and we learn of all the allergy dangers in feeding your baby too soon.

Now, if you have parents like mine, picture them on the opposite side of this experts ring, getting their boxing gloves on, shouting out how you were put to sleep on your tummy and it’s the best thing to stave off gas, and how you had bumper pads and with the exception of any mental idiosyncrasies you might have, you survived just fine, and finally, the food. All of us born at least 30 years ago were likely fed food by week 3-4 of life..and parents are quick to point out that we were all sleeping through the night much faster.

Some parents claim they were feeding us not just rice cereal but full blown meals, including meat, by one month old. Yes, many KT friends hail from the Midwest. I am left wondering about revisionist history sometimes, but still, this is what I’ve heard.

And, there are no more magical words to a new parent that “sleeping through the night.” So, food certainly becomes the low hanging fruit of temptation for the sleep deprived.

But really – what rules do you follow and what rules do you break as a parent?

Any true KT fan knows that, well, I’m pretty willing to break the rules and challenge authority because I’m pretty certain I know better for my own kid. Don’t think I didn’t challenge our pediatrician at every turn and told him as much, along the way, until he turned out to be right, or I just sorta ignored him and did my own thing.

The genes I inherited from my mother come into play with all of this, along with her opinions and shouting over in that boxing match I just alluded too.

So back to all the rules. I can tell you that I think the best way to parent is to trust your instincts. Sure, the American Academy of Pediatrics are a bunch of doctors who specialize in babies. But no one specializes in YOUR baby. And no one has to deal with your baby screaming all night, except you.

Before my darling daughter was even out of the womb, I knew I was ignoring the drama and warnings around bumper pads. Give me a break. Babies nestle up into warm, cozy corners, what is warm and cozy about cold wood or iron slots on the edge of a crib? NOTHING. But a bumper pad – now that is warm and cozy. And plus, we all survived just fine with them. So I threw caution to the wind on that one and well, it turned out just fine. There is a point to everything.

Now, the SIDS issue and putting your baby BACK to sleep, took me a bit longer to break the rules on. They really do put the fear of God in you over that one. And so, I dutifully put my baby BACK to sleep each night…but bended the rules during the day. Find me a baby that isn’t gassy and find me a parent that isn’t convinced by around week 4-6 that their baby has the dreaded colic. Guess what? Your kid, more than likely, does NOT have colic – they’re just gassy and being on their backs makes it worse.

Enter the side sleeping position in the stroller..enter the swing or the bouncy seat…even the infant car seat..anything that can keep baby at an angle – can help mommy and daddy sleep more at night. By around 5 months, I was putting our darling daughter to bed on her tummy every night. She could move her head around by then and well, she screamed bloody murder if you tried to put her on her back at all….so the American Academy of Pediatrics and their recommendations were tossed out with the bath water because, well, they weren’t sleeping in my house. If my pediatrician needed to believe we put her BACK to sleep and she flipped over on her own, well, then that’s what he needed to believe.

As for food, that one was a rockier path chez moi. The magical words of “sleeping through the night” were not just being whispered, they were being shouted into my ears by my mom and my dad from a very early point in my darling daughter’s life. My dad rarely chimes in, so it became even more tempting to start feeding her. On this one, however, my husband was adamantly opposed to feeding her much before 5 months because of the threat of allergies. So, in a rare moment, I acquiesed and doubted him and the doctor the entire time….until 16 weeks when darling daughter was sleeping through the night on just formula.

Apparently SOMETIMES the doctors and experts are right.

So what is my point in all of this? My point is – learn your baby, not just what the experts say, because there are so many extreme views out there. There are paranoid people out there.  And personally, I am never sure how many of them actually have babies at home, instead of just studying them in research.