Queen of the Land

Dear Prince William…or shall I call you future King:

It has come to my attention that there is a position open in your kingdom. While I was saddened to see the press coverage over the weekend that you dumped your pretty girlfriend, I must admit, I know someone else who would make a fabulous queen.

MOI!

That is right. I got to thinking that I should apply to be your future queen. I am quite sure I meet all the right criterion. Allow me to begin.

1. I am very pretty and would make for a luminous princess and elegant queen.

2. I have a proven track record of fertility and could provide future princesses and princes to the kingdom.

3. I am very well spoken, media trained, and can certainly handle the media deluge on a daily basis with dignity and composure. Moi? I never lose my cool. C’est vrai.

4. I have a great sense of style and with the correct budget (read: limitless), I could certainly wear a fabulous outfit for every occasion and I love accessories, so I have no trouble wearing hats, even if it’s kind of 1850ish.

5. I have a great fake posh British accent and am willing to be addressed “M’Lady.”

6. I will never write a tell-all book when you divorce me, nor will I spread lies and rumors about the Queen amongst the hungry British press. I also will never speak of Prince Harry’s bad habits and obvious drinking problem.

7. I like tea and I love clotted cream on my crumpets, so I could really get used to that tradition as part of each afternoon.

8. I have an Irish Passport, so I could help mend fences from the age old struggle between England and Ireland. Perhaps my daughter could be princess of Ireland? She has red hair. Surely that’s enough.  

9. I like attention and love to ski and vacation, so I promise to smile and show my pearly whites for every vacation photo-op, even if drab Prince Charles is there.

10. I can be very bossy and will happily let the people know that I am their queen, and have no problems with threatening to off heads or let them eat cake.

Have your people call my people if you’d like to discuss further. I am most definitely the most qualified candidate.

3 Responses to Queen of the Land
  1. chopshopstudios
    April 18, 2007 | 11:38 pm

    11. I have a talented video editor for a sister, who would surely edit all footage to make us look glamorous, demure, humble, and is happy to steal you away from me.

  2. kindredspirit
    April 19, 2007 | 3:56 am

    12. Prior experience includes Prom Queen!

  3. Wyldirishman
    April 19, 2007 | 11:20 pm

    Me thinks Dear KT that you would have to take a number..

    But it would be good to have of the the people of the land on the throne again…

    Is é do mhac do mhac go bpósann sé ach is í d’iníon go bhfaighidh tú bás.

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