Ok seriously – I actually WAS NOT going to blog today. But it’s impossible for me not to now. Surely some of you have noticed that I skipped over Rove’s mysterious departure from the epicenter of all Satanic activity, known as our West Wing. My PR skills kicked into gear, however, with the bland Monday morning announcement (on a sleepy humid August when Congress is out of session and everyone who is anyone is on vacation day) here inside the beltway. We know there was a reason it happened on an August Monday morning.
I think I didn’t blog on it because I was so confused. Rove has a family? For real? Satan can love? And someone can love him back? Are they real or some made-up family? Did they just land from outerspace? Have they been living where Cheney goes to hide whenever there is a pending terrorist threat?
Anyhoo….so I skipped over that this week. But then, see, what a bookend of a week. It started with Rove retiring on Monday (I can’t wait to learn the real reason) and then came yesterday’s late breaking news that Jenna Bush is engaged.
Ahhh…..drug and alcohol loving, chain smoking, fun loving Mini-George, got engaged! For real. Are we meant to really believe that her time as a first daughter started with her underage drinking in college and sticking her tongue out at reporters..and is now ending with her being a mature young woman, traveling to Africa, penning a book with her mom (she knows how to read?) and then walking down the aisle in a white gown, pure as the freshly fallen snow, with her former drug addict father at her side?
This one is too good to skip over. IMMEDIATELY KT smelled a rat. I mean – come on people. This one’s too good. And so where did I head?
Why, over to my fav DC gossip blog, Wonkette…..and it seems I’m not alone. The cruel, mean blogosphere is all over the idea that young princess chaste republican Jenna is engaged because she is PREGNANT.
And naturally I always head to the comment section (after laughing my ass off that the French Press, who naturally hate us because they are French, have the best evidence of her growing stomach), and here is my favorite one-liner about what they’ll name Jenna’s bastard child:
“They’re going to name the baby George Donald Bolten Paul Scooter Rove Cheney Bush Hager.”
So kittens. What I’m left wondering at the end of the day is this- are Republicans the new Democrats?
The wives of the popular Republican candidates are ALWAYS making front page news. And not because of their conservative family values, love of kittens and babies, and praise of Jesus, like the days of old. Mais non! Because they are slutty trophy wives (Jerri Thompson) or my favorite, evil money-grubbing, manipulative witches like Mrs. Guiliani. I mean – this is just the kind of script the Republicans like to draft about the Democrats during campaign season, and here we are, reading about the Republicans like this every week. And they’re doing it to themselves! Mix in the torrid affair with prostitutes a-la-Senator Vetter earlier this summer, and I’m practically laughing my way to Church!
And so, the rumors of Jenna’s pregnancy prompting her engagement are like the cherry on top for me. Suddenly, the party of family values and Jesus, is the party of prostitutes, trophy wives and home-wreckers, and now, bastard children. Meanwhile, over in the halo-land of the Democratic presidential candidates, our guys are headed to church with their happily married wives at their side.
Life is grand in opposite land, kittens.