There are so many glowing preggo’s around me – I swear, new babies are due to arrive in my circle of friends every month from September through February. Everywhere I go, there’s a beloved preggo.

And while we’ve chatted about preggo’s many times here on KT, I think it’s time to share some of the fun stuff that has nothing to do with alarming bodily fluids or growing nipple sizes.

What I LOVE to hear about is the whacky pregnancy horomones and the things you do as a preggo. The random inexplicible tears on the husband, lashing out at strangers who ask you how much weight you’ve gained, the crazy eating. All of this stuff. I LOVE IT. It’s so fun to hear about because it’s like each one of us is partly taken over by some other force and we do things as a preggo that we just might not have otherwise done.

Either that or we let our true selves out a little bit more because who, in their right mind, is going to challenge a preggo?

Well, I can think of one. So here are some of my favorite pregnancy stories and I’d love to hear more. These things seriously make my day.

For the purposes of full disclosure, I will admit that I took on an old man with a cane when I was nearing the end of my pregnancy. And you better believe, I won.

What were the circumstances, you ask? Well, darling husband and I decided to join Costco. So it turns out you have to wait in line to get your picture taken and join. The line was about 20 minutes long and if you’ve ever been to the end of your third trimester, you know that lines and preggo’s go together about as well as Hilary and Monica Lewinsky.

So, we were the next in line and what happened? Some old man with a cane walked up in front of me – like he shouldn’t have to wait in line because he was old and needed a cane.

Well, he picked the wrong person to cut in front of and I just might have said something like “you might be old, but I’m pregnant, so get to the back of the line.”

Yes, it’s possible I did that, much to the extreme mortification of my husband. But the best part was the woman behind the counter was equally enraged and was like “Oh, I know you didn’t just cut in front of the pregnant lady.”

And back to the line he went. I still don’t feel bad, actually, though I might when I’m 90 and need a cane.

Another fav preggo story is not mine but I was there. Many summers ago, I lived with two friends for a few months and my girlfriend was pregnant. She has a great sense of humor and we could laugh at her silly pregnant habits pretty openly. One day she and I were driving back from the grocery store, she was driving, and we were heading to her house, meanwhile she drove right past her house because she was so preoccupied with digging all the candy out of the bottom of her bag that she could get her grubby hands on.

We laughed and laughed and laughed as I tried to gently point out that we just passed her street.

Then there’s the old preggo at a wedding story. Indeed – this was a sight to behold. So there we were, my group of BFFs in DC, at a friend’s beautiful wedding ceremony in Richmond a few years ago. One dear friend was three months along, the first in the group to get pregnant. She was gorgeous, all dressed up, decked out in Jimmy Choo’s and had a beautiful Kate Spade bag to go with her whole outfit. As the evening wore on, I glanced over at her only to note her Kate Spade bag open and what were the contents of such a classy bag?

Why, none other than some trusty TUMS and a bag of M&Ms…..surely there had to be some Chanel lip gloss and a little mirror in there as well? But that didn’t matter, the rest of us were falling out of our chairs laughing (while still making eyes at the bride’s unbelieveably hot cousin that she failed to mention, preggo included). Meow.

And if you live within 10 miles of  a Buy Buy Baby, I bet you don’t know a preggo that hasn’t broken down in tears, at least once, in Buy Buy Baby, including yourself.

As for inappropriate comments – I think the biggest preggo complaint is the ongoing public commentary on how much weight you’ve gained. I don’t know a preggo, including myself, who really didn’t get fired up about that on a fairly regular basis. I don’t really know why people feel compelled to comment on your growing size but they do. Including strangers. And obviously it gets worse in the final weeks of your pregnancy where you visibly get larger by day’s end..and if you’re anything like me, gain 5 pounds in one week.

My husband equipped me with the best one liner to use, which I never did, but it made me laugh and alleviated some anger, along the way. His advice was, in response to the old “Wow, you’re so much bigger than the last time I saw you!” was to say
“Yes, I was thinking the same thing about you.”

For real. Just imagining the look on the person’s face if I retorted like that made me feel better.

I also really wish I’d made up a shirt that read “Just because I’m pregnant, doesn’t mean I’m nice” and “Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I give a shit about your kid.” (that was directed to strangers, obviously, not friends’ children. Like a person on a plane. I don’t give a rip about your kid.)

Right?

Right.

So kittens, I’d love to hear some of the crazy things you did as a preggo or any witty retorts you might have had about your ever-increasing body size.  The sad reality is that if you’re pregnant, somehow you become fodder for public commentary, like it or not. Maybe we should ban together to help abolish it like I believe we should ban together to abolish all nonsense talk about mommy guilt?

I’ve concluded that toddlers get a bad rap. Everyone loves to talk about how “No” is a toddler’s favorite word and they toss it around with great regularity.

And seeing as how I happen to live with a toddler, I will not argue that it’s a favorite word of hers. I particularly like it when she’s saying “No” but actually means “Yes” and even knows it. But continues to say “No.”

But after an email exchange with my sister yesterday, on top of many similar such conversations since becoming a mom, I’ve concluded that it’s actually Mom’s who say “No” more than anyone. And not because of discipline.  I caution you kittens, I’m headed into the murky waters of the Childess vs. Parents debate here.

You got it. As a working Mom, I feel like I’m in a constant tug of war with my schedule. Inevitably something always comes up – a work happy hour, a friend’s BBQ, a random dinner out after work, someone’s shower. You name it, something is happening. I mean, when you’re a gal as pretty and funny as moi, surely you are in demand. Everyone wants a piece of you. But inevitably, you end up finding yourself saying “No” more than “Yes” and it ain’t easy.

For me, the reality is that my baby needs me. Everyone else, they just like being social or they want to talk about work, or whatever the case may be, but they don’t need me, per say. I know, I know, I’m totally blushing. I know that many of them WANT me. And can you blame them? But they don’t NEED me. Darling daughter, she needs me.

And when I’m crunching the numbers and facing the reality of actually only seeing her maybe 2-2.5 hours a day, five days a week, the reality is that I pretty much say “No” to everything. I like to make an occasional exception but even then, I’m moderately consumed with how much precious time I’m missing with my daughter.

We all know that becoming a mother is more than just learning how to take care of a child, it also is a path of discovery, learning about you as a Mom because you just don’t know Mom you until you are a Mom. As it is learning about how your husband is as a Father. Sometimes its fun and wonderful, sometimes it’s a little rocky. And for me, part of it is learning to have the confidence to just say “No.”

And most importantly, be OK with it, realizing that particularly if the group of friends does not have children, it’s not as easy for them to understand why I always say No. Is that patronizing? I don’t know, I certainly don’t mean for it to be, it’s just the way it is.

But along the way, friends or family members might feel slighted. And they might rightfully feel like things are a one-way street. I mean, hell, I’m happy to see anyone who wants to play any night of the week if they’re in my hood and want to swing by. I’ll toss a few back with you for as long as you want to stay (or until I fall asleep by 9:30pm).

So that’s the other side of it. I’m saying “No” constantly and then I’m adding in, but if you’ll come to me, it’ll work out great.

Is that fair?

Probably not. But it’s the way it is. Staying focused on the fact that my priority above and beyond anything else, is to my child, is no small feat. And this is just one of things I have to do. I know I’m not alone in this – I know that other Mom’s feel the same way.  And my sister, who shall remain nameless and is, in fact, childless, sweetly pointed out that for the childless out there – the reality is that if they care about you and love you – then they realize why you are the CE”NO” and why you are on a one-way road, and they are willing to bend for you because you are still important to them. Just as they are important to you, even if on your terms.

Sure, I’m sure there are plenty of parents that abuse it and plenty of people who never ever say “yes” but I guess, for me, as a working Mom, I am filled a little bit with dread each and every time I get invited somewhere during coveted darling daughter time,  I think long and hard before I bang out the email. I think about if I want to explain myself or if a simple “sorry, can’t make it” is enough, and then I just take a deep breath and hope, upon hope, that if they don’t understand now, that someday in the future if they have kids, they’ll look back and recall and just sort of get it.

So there you have it, true mom confession of the day. I say “No” more than my 21 month old and while she might like it, I actually hate it. It leaves a pit in my stomach more often than not, but it’s just the way it is.