Monthly Archives: November 2007

The Email Fight

November 30, 2007

Gather round kittens……today it is time for us to roll up our sleeves and discuss the merits…or flawed reasoning…behind engaging the husband in an email fight.

I think you know what I’m talking about because within the past week, I lost count of the number of emails flying across my desk, with a dear friend rightfully super ticked off at her husband’s latest fool-hardy statement or decision…..and in haste…..she has fired off a nasty email reply…thus opening the door to the email fight.

First, the perks.

When initiating an email fight, you get instant gratification. You can respond in the moment, exactly how you feel, with no regard for how they will react because you don’t have to see them…..some of my favorite email fight lines come from a true KT BFF who has been known to tell her husband to “Pack up your shit and get out” on quite a few email fights.

Ahh…the drama…the threats…i LOVE IT. That line will never cease to amuse me.

Works like a charm and is totally amusing when being relayed to moi.

My email fight threats are never quite as hilarious, I generally fall back on the old “If you don’t do X (insert anything you can think of here) by the time you get home tonight, I am not letting you in the house.”

Apparently there is something so satisfying about threatening to never let the husband back in the house…via email fight…isn’t there?

The danger with the instant gratification of firing off an email fight to the husband is this….the lack of response. I don’t know about you but when I deliberately attempt to engage my husband in an email fight, he has a long track record of just ignoring me.

Now, this might seem to be the more mature approach to some…but don’t forget…he screwed something up..thus the reason for the email fight, right?

Right.

By ignoring me, he is not allowing said email fight to escalate to another level but honestly, usually it just fires me up even more because my claws are out and I’m all primed and ready to respond with another zinger and minutes…then hours go by…and nothing.

I suppose any marital counselors out there would advise against the email fight because it isn’t that productive or mature…but whatever…we are busy…we have a lot on our minds…and the email fight does provide a cathartic release that we might just need to make it through the rest of the day.

So what say you, as you head into this first of many busy holiday weekends…to email fight or not?

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Husbands, Motherhood

Miss Halfway

November 28, 2007

As I was driving home the other day, listening to an old Gray’s Anatomy soundtrack, a song by Anya Marina came on and I realized she might have just been singing about my life. And probably yours.

Does this sound familiar “Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway”

I mean – how many days do you feel like you are the queen of Miss Halfway? Half paying attention at work because you are busy thinking about if your sweet cherub is getting a decent nap or finally pooped.

Half paying attention at home because you are worried about whatever you didn’t finish at work because you snuck out the door a little bit early.

Getting invites to holiday parties and your response is “maybe.” You’re really not sure if you can swing getting to that many parties after work because you’re counting up the hours you are missing with the sweet cherub at home.

Like I said, Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway. I’m thinking that might be KT’s theme song.

But, before we buy a ticket on the hated Mommy Guilt Trip bus for being the reigning queens of Miss Halfway, I thought more about it. Especially with the holiday season upon us and work parties and friends’ parties and Christmas outings upon us, how can we survive the next month getting away with being Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway but not feeling bad about it?

Its the same old same old – having the backbone and confidence to just draw the line in the sand and upgrade that “maybe” to a full-force “no” because you secretly know as “maybe” is eeking out of your mouth that you don’t really mean it. Right now, my vow is to only attend one work holiday party a week for the next three weeks.

We are all popular girls, everyone wants us at their parties,  we are the Paris Hiltons of the Executive Holiday Party, but we must just say no. Moi? I’m basically deciding which party I think will be the fanciest and will give away the sweetest gift at the door on your way out and that is my one-a-week approach. I am fully on board with this plan.

As for being Miss Halfway at home, I just think that’s a reality. Some days I am totally and completely present at home and consumed with playing with my daughter. Other days I just am not. Maybe I’m extra tired, maybe my day at work was extra hard and I’m just zonked, who knows but whatever, I am going to continue faking it til I make it and am ok with sometimes being Miss Halfway.

And with that kittens, go forth and analyze your holiday party invites, assess which is the most fabulous and glamorous of the bunch, and proceed in full force feeling fine with being Miss Almost, Miss Maybe, Miss Halfway.

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Motherhood

Be Nice

November 26, 2007

A strange thing happened this morning. It was so strange and so bizarre that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I even found myself asking my husband “Are we sure daughter is still here?”

You got it. This morning started off as usual. I got up very early, snuck quietly down the hallway, holding by breath as I tip-toed past darling daughter’s door, crept down the stairs and out the door, all the while praying I didn’t wake her. I went off to the gym, got my workout done, came home and alas…the house was still quiet and dark.

Strange, I thought. But somehow, so nice.

Not really entirely sure what to do with myself, I made some coffee and puttered around the kitchen. By the time the coffee was brewed and my milk warm, I realized that the house was STILL quiet, so I decided to sit down in front of the TV, open the paper and well…be civilized. I drank some coffee, relaxing, while reading the paper and listening to the news. Was it really 2007, I wondered?

Am I actually married and a mother of a 2 year old?

Is there a sleeping child upstairs?

Or is it November 2004? Is it all a dream?  Did the ghost of Christmas future come visit me and freak me out a bit and now he’s left? Or could my week be starting off this perfectly, this relaxing? This NORMAL?

Around that time was when I asked my husband if there was really a child in the house or what?

In the middle of wondering these things while relaxing as the Today Show came on, I stumbled upon an article on the front page of today’s Washington Post that is  MUST read for all KT readers because, well, it’s freaking hilarious.

Apparently a new law came into effect in Japan this past spring that entitles women who divorce their husbands to get half their husband’s pension when they retire…and get this….the divorce rate among newly retired men has shot up 6% since April. Now, this isn’t funny, of course. But the cultural attitude among these men towards their wives and their role as husbands, along with the quotes in the piece, make this a MUST READ.

Example:

“To be divorced is the equivalent of being declared dead — because we can’t take care of ourselves,” Amano said.

When his wife told him eight years ago that she was “99 percent” certain she was going to dump him, Amano said, the only things he then knew how to do in the kitchen were to fry eggs and pour boiled water over noodles.

————————–

I’m not sure which part I like the best, the quote from our Japanese friend Amano, or the fact that his wife declared she was 99% certain she was going to divorce him.

Upon reading deeper into the piece, I learned that Japanese men view their job as husband and father to just provide for their families and have no responsibility towards emotional involvement in their families. Apparently they never tell their wives they love them, work is always a priority, they can get away with barking orders when they get home, and one woman is quoted saying she received her first birthday gift from her husband on her 60th birthday, he sent her flowers. At that time they had been married for over 30 years and had three children.

Shocking, I know.

What really seals the deal on this article, in my mind, is the fact that there is a National Chauvinistic Husbands Society in Japan, created to get men together to learn how to be nice to their wives. For real. The best part is that the association is made up entirely of men who have been nothing but chauvinistic pigs to their wives, teaching other men, how not to be chauvinistic, and learn how to be nice.

Huh?

Wouldn’t they learn more by having a few women in there to teach the course?

In case you think I’m making all this up, here’s the link, and remember….I got about 3/4 of the way through this article AND my cup of coffee this morning before my darling daughter arose. It’s gonna be a great day:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/11/25/AR2007112501720.html?hpid=topnews&sid=ST2007112501768

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Husbands

What do you hang your hat on?

November 16, 2007

Tomorrow we are hosting a 2nd birthday party for our daughter. For so many reasons, I love having a 2 year old. She is very communicative, she is tons of fun and a joker, her personality is in full blossom right now and she’ll be excited about her own party.

At the same time, I find myself thinking that I just can’t believe she’s already 2. Like how is it possible? She was born at 8:13am and on the day of her actual birthday, will I ever not stop at that time and just feel myself back in that moment – the arrival of her into this world? I mean – I am just stunned silent when I think about how much has changed in the past two years and how quickly it’s all happened. How did it fly by so fast?

Meanwhile, over in the other corner of my brain, I’ve noticed that I have been very emotional lately about working full-time. Ever since I returned to work from maternity leave, I’ve made my peace with the fact that some days are just harder than others. Sometimes it takes every ounce of strength that I have to get  my foot in the car and turn the engine on and leave. Admittedly, there are other days when I am very grateful to come to work and just have a break but for whatever reason, lately it’s just been  more difficult.

On days when it’s particularly hard, I get by on the fact that I still don’t yet have a choice, financially, to not work and my job provides the income and health benefits that my family needs, so I keep plugging away. But I feel like we all need something to hang our hat on, so I hang my hat on the knowledge that this won’t always be the case. That within the next few years, I will have a choice financially, of which I am very grateful, and know that I will then make a decision.

But see – what I’m wondering is this – I’ve been back to work full-time for 21 months, I came back when my daughter was 13 weeks old. So why, 21 months into this routine, am I having such trouble lately?

Well, it hit me like a ton of bricks finally this morning. Because I just cannot believe that she’s 2. I cannot believe how much she has changed and grown and I am wrapped up in how much of that I might have missed by being at work.

Yes, yes, I know that there are people who believe that it is so good for children, especially girls, to see their mom get dressed up and go to work every day. It sets an example.

And yes, I know that my time with her is precious and I am completely devoted to her when I am home and she is well-adjusted and happy and confident in her place in the world and how important she is to me and my husband. I get all that.

But it still doesn’t change the fact that 5 days a week, for too many hours a day, I am not with her and all of a sudden she is 2 and if it happened so fast already, she’ll be 4 in a blink of an eye – and is work really that important?

So at the end of the day, I continue to struggle with getting in the car and going off to work and suspect that this feeling probably never goes away. So I hang my hat on knowing that nothing is permanent, that I have no idea what I’ll be doing in another 2 years.

And while I’m hanging my hat on this future reality, I find myself wondering what other moms hang their hat on?

Whether you work full-time, part time or are a stay-at-home mom, it seems to me that the reality of parenthood is that there is always something – there is always something that is challenging us, keeping us up at night, or tugging at our heart strings – and we have to hang our hat on something knowing that in the end – it will be fine – otherwise how do you get through a day? So, what do you hang your hat on?

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Motherhood, Work
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