Monthly Archives: March 2008

Outsourcing Baby

Usually we only judge Republicans, the Administration, Katie Holmes and Katherine Heigl here on KT. But as avid fans of KT know, my claws come out whenever they are in the mood and today, today, I’m judging some parents.

Over the weekend, the Washington Post ran a story in the Business section about the booming industry sprung from parents who are outsourcing tasks for their baby. For some, it starts with night nurses when the baby is born so they can get some much needed rest, maybe it snowballs from there, or maybe people just figure it out later, but what I don’t understand is why people hire other adults to do things that they, as parents, are perfectly capable – and some might argue – SHOULD – be doing for their own offspring.

Now, I will give credit where credit is due, and my hat is off to those who are clever enough to benefit from rich parents who outsource baby tasks to others, as ridiculous as I think it is.

Why, for example, can’t people baby proof their own house? Are we really that busy that we can’t purchase some baby proofing supplies while we are out running errands and then take a few minutes to put them up around the house? Maybe my child is living in a dangerous house but I’m pretty sure it took us about 15 minutes to baby proof the house. Maybe 30 minutes at the most. Barring anyone who is curing cancer or feeding the poorest children in Africa, are we Americans really so busy that we don’t have time for this simple task of protecting our own young and vulnerable child?

The Post piece featured a woman who is profiting off parents who are too busy to shop for their kids own birthday party. The mother featured in the piece paid someone to purchase a “special” present for her daughter’s 3 year old birthday. Just reading that made my core body temperature rise. Where is the joy in knowing your child and thinking about what is important to them, what will delight them, and then taking some time to find it and wrap it and present it to them? I mean, really people, again – are those parents saving us from the next most vicious widespread disease? Or are they just so self-consumed that they can’t spend a little time on their own kid?

A KT friend emailed me over the weekend, in an outrage, and wondered – what will the mother say to her daughter when she is grown up and asks about her favorite tutu that she got on her third bday and her mom reveals that she just paid some woman money to find something special but had the wherewithal to hire someone who actually knows what 3 year old girls like, so it all worked out in the end?  I mean really.  Will her mother respond like this “Oh come on honey, at least I paid an American to do it, look at all the parents that are outsourcing to India and China for these things today.”

And potty training consultants? Come the hell on. How about the fact that potty training your kid is a huge rite of passage and  you get an enormous sense of fulfillment and satisfaction when, at the end of the day, you survived that one and lived to tell the tale?

I just don’t get it. I really don’t understand where, along the way of deciding to bring children into the world, we decide that if we can hire someone to take care of something, then well, let’s just do it.

There, I judged today, what else are Monday’s good for if not starting off the week all fired up?

Here’s a link if you’d like to read it and mock:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/07/AR2008030703511.html

Momnesia

Kittens -

I should really start charging you, what with all the ways I’m keeping you current with new words. First it was choreplay. Then it was stressorexia. Now it’s momnesia. I ought to start my own dictionary, shall we call it Kitt-a-pedia…and I’ll make it really special. I won’t let anyone else edit it, it will be my first effort at total world domination.

Now what is momnesia? Well, I forgot already.

HA

I kill myself.

Momnesia is just USA Today’s way of talking about Mommy Brain. Sort of like “baby bump” offending some, though not me, I’m not sure if I prefer “momnesia” or “mommy brain” but just about the only thing I can remember is that I definitely have Momnesia.

An example, if you will: A colleague of mine is equally as obsessed with “Veronica Mars” as my husband and I are. We live and die for this show. It’s really filled the void of the writer’s strike (god forbid we actually read). As we burn through one season in our house, I pass the season along to my colleague. This guy thinks I am about the dumbest person walking this side of K Street because he’ll come in to chat about the Season 2 opener, and though I just watched it like probably a week ago (we’re averaging 2-3 episodes a night, chez moi), my response is inevitably “remind me again, what happened? and who is that? and while you’re at it, who are you?”

See, those without children are most apt to think that those of us suffering from Momnesia just aren’t that bright. Unfortunately this guy = no kids. Those with children can spot a fellow momnesia sufferer a mile away. Momnesia is an equal opportunity parental disease.

Ever see the woman scrambling through her bag, looking for her car keys, and can only find the extra toddler underpants, diapers, crushed up snacks and chewed up toddler books, only to realize five minutes later that she’s been holding her keys the whole time? Or the ever-hateful moment of trying to find your car in the parking lot after a long day of work, as we discussed the other day? When you see that other parent wandering aimlessly, you don’t laugh, you don’t point and snicker, you just know. And well, you’re in the same boat too.

It seems that researchers and scientists are quick to support momnesia as a legitimate reality of life post-baby. The USA Today piece talks about how we lose 450-700 hours of sleep in the first year of a baby’s life and well, sleep deprivation is a form of torture, so how can it not wear your brain out?  I mean, I don’t know about you but in those first weeks post-delivery, I was so foggy and confused, I might have asked my husband one night who he was and who sent him. Let alone that screaming kid in the other room……

What I like about the article….and shockingly, I read it in its entirety and remember a bit about what I read…is that they talk about the flip side of momnesia. The fact that though us parents might forget everything under the sun except our name and our address,  we are sharp as nails when it comes to remembering what we need to remember for our child in that phase of their life.

That, kittens, is the distinction.

How many times has a friend asked you how much your child was eating at 6 months or how tall they were at 9 months or when they started doing X, and you look at them blankly? I couldn’t tell you any of that if my life depended on it but I know what I need to know about my current two year old. This is why they invented baby journals. Not because the nurturing mother likes to curl up on the sofa and jot down every precious moment of her sweet cherub’s life but because that mother has 1/4 of a brain and won’t remember a damn thing in two months time.

What really amuses me about momnesia is how tricky it is. This piece talks about how the surge and then drop of hormones from late pregnancy through delivery contribute to the foggy haze we are all in those first weeks post partum and how this clouds our memory of delivery. It all builds, we forget the beginning, we forget how to tend for newborns. I mean hell, if and when the day comes for me to take care of a newborn again, I can tell you right now, I don’t remember the details. I just know what a busy, active, running, opinionated, silly toddler requires for care.

So where does this leave us? Forgetful, dazed and confused, faking it til we make it?

Sure. But at least we’re pretty.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-03-03-momnesia_N.htm?csp=34

Addicted to Motherhood?

Kittens -

I apologize for my long silence – you know I’m busy at work when you don’t hear from me in a while. Know that I much prefer this over crazy, hectic work days but alas, it is out of my hands. With that, let’s get right to it.

Last week, we discussed whether having one child is enough and why people feel compelled to judge parents of singles. Let’s turn that on its head and talk about the opposite end of the spectrum – can you have too many kids? And what does that say about you?

At what point do you start judging someone and think they are freaky Mormons or Catholics because they have too many kids? Admit it, you know you do it. We are equal opportunity judgers. You might be busily thinking about how only children are weird one minute and then a few minutes later, mocking that crazy Catholic family down the street with their 6 kids.

So what’s the threshold for normal and why do we care?

Seeing as how I’m one of four, I can’t be judging people who have four kids. Though I do wonder how they afford it. But do I start to wonder once there are five kids? A little. But once you get past five, I’m pretty much thinking you’re a freak.

But why? Because I like to judge?

Maybe. But I’m not alone.

Which brings me to Angie. Good old Angelina Jolie. Preggo with her second biological child, bringing the grand total to 5 children for her and Brad Pitt. Is anyone else out there wondering what in the world is going on and when they will stop?  And how pissed is Jenny Anny?

As for the Jolie-Pitts, we know they can afford it. But what’s the deal? Why so many?

A dear KT reader sent along this link last week, a story on ABC wondering if Angelina Jolie is addicted to motherhood and what this says about her, psychologically:

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/OnCall/story?id=4349895&page=1

Being the gal who loves celeb gossip and is quick to hop on a gossip bandwagon, I love this story. It’s rife with speculation over Angie’s mental state and her motivation for wanting so many kids, not to mention speculation that she will leave Brad high and dry eventually, once she’s done hiding her problems behind motherhood.  Love it.

But beyond that, it begs a good question – can you be addicted to motherhood for the wrong reasons?

I don’t know. I mean – I can see how you can be addicted to your kids and obsessed with their every move, so I guess you can be addicted to motherhood. Are those who are prone to being addicted to motherhood the Bree types from Wisteria Lane, loving their perfect life and hydrangeas? Or can they also be career-hungry, climbing the corporate ladder, proving to themselves and the world that they can do both?

Or is this even really something that’s a reality? Or is it another example of the media doing a great job of criticizing women and motherhood? And the decisions we make?

You tell me.

Or just go read the story because it’s about a celebrity.