Parental Torture

Many of you who know me and my darling Daughter, know that I am the mother of world’s most prolific drooler. Though she is coming on 2.5 and has had a full mouth of teeth for quite some time now, she still drools like nothing you’ve ever seen.

Lose sight of her?

Just follow the trail of drool puddles left behind.

Going out with her?

Did you remember to pack 6 bibs to keep up with her as she burns through drenching each one with her drool?

Many around us are left wondering if she will still be drooling in her Prom pictures.  I mean – again – we are not talking about a baby who is teething anymore. So it’s just well – strange.

The truth is, like any other parent, I think my kid is the cat’s meow and totally adorable, so if her one outward flaw is the she drools a lot – so be it.

But you must know that I’ve always wondered if there is a reason she drools so much…much less…will it – actually – ever end?

Drumroll please…I now know the answer!

Today she was evaluated for her gross motor skills because both of her feet turn in when she walks/runs and she tumbles a lot. As it turns out, she is not lagging at all in her gross motor skills but her foot turning in is related to her muscle tone.

For any of you out there with less than stellar muscle tone, fret not – don’t blame it on that tub of Ben and Jerry’s you might eat with some regularity. Instead – blame it on your parents!

Seems that we are born with the kind of muscle tone we are going to have. Some have low tone, some have high, firm tone.

My sweet cherub has low tone – so her feet pronate and she hyper-extends her knees. But wait, there’s more –

This is why she drools!

We need to help her strengthen the muscles around her jaw.

So, how does one do that?
PARENTAL TORTURE.

We were told today by a medical professional that we must go out and purchase blow toys for our toddler. You know – like fake little horns and harmonicas – so she can blow through them to her heart’s content – and this will help strengthen her muscle tone – and maybe she won’t be drooling in her Prom pictures.

Can you kill me now?

I mean – I always viewed musical toys for toddlers as gifts that grandparents get your child for Christmas as payback – to find pleasure in watching you be tortured after you tortured them for so many years. Or that people with no kids buy because they don’t know any better but have good intent – so you just make a note to self to remember to return the favor if they ever have kids.

But now – now – a medical professional tells me I need to go buy said parental torture devices to help the development of my child.

Lord have mercy.

Tylenol and a stiff drink, anyone?

5 Responses to Parental Torture
  1. Emma
    March 20, 2008 | 12:44 am

    Oh my God. Well I guess I know what I should be getting my prolific drooler as well now! Mas Tylenol :)

  2. ABP
    March 20, 2008 | 3:09 pm

    Don’t forget the ear plugs.

  3. Selfmademom
    March 21, 2008 | 3:18 am

    Holy crap, Kitty… that’s hilarious.

  4. wyldirishman
    March 25, 2008 | 11:50 pm

    Dude,

    I am sorry that is just plain cruel.

    at least buy toys in thelower octave range instead of the ones that will make the dogs ears bleed….

    cheers and good luck

  5. nikki
    March 28, 2008 | 4:08 am

    Oh good god. So if I visit i guess it is byoep (ear plugs)!!

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