The Girl Child

Yesterday marked the half-way point of my pregnancy and we decided to find out whether the baby is a boy or a girl. The surprise was fun the first time around but my husband, in particular, really wanted to know this time.

So I conceded and as it turned out, for me personally, finding out the sex yesterday was way more fun and exciting than learning after the pain and exhaustion of enduring labor when all you care is that the baby is out of you.

So yesterday was an exciting day – and we learned that we are having another little girl – and so far, she’s happy and healthy and growing right on track. All is well in this world.

What puzzles and INFURIATES me is the response of many people over the news. To me – it was the most exciting news – one that could just be met with a simple “Congratulations.”

I mean, not only am I familiar with girls but I have three sisters – I understand the intensity and role of the relationship of a sister in your life. Maybe it’s not always sunshine and roses but sisters have a strong bond. Sure, brothers do too – but if you think of all the families you know – I’m pretty sure you think of more sister relationships with strong friendships than you do brothers.

And so, as I spread the news, the reaction I received from many people was, frankly, sexist – was I going to keep trying until I have a boy, or ANOTHER girl? And the best one “Well, how did DH take the news?”

Excuse me, is this communist China? Do we shudder at girl children? Does having a son prove something that I don’t know about? Is there somewhere that says that boy children are what completes a family because he carries on the family name?  Let’s not forget that those sons wouldn’t be carrying on any family names without our little girls.

Being one of four girls, my father heard this all too often, especially when my mom was pregnant with my younger sister and my parents found it to be beyond insulting, patronizing and obnoxious. I feel the same way. I have countless friends who only have sisters and they all are quick to relay stories of how much their parents despised being asked these same questions. Meanwhile, when I come across families with only boys – the reaction is always one of “Wow, they must keep you so busy with all the energy in that house.” Or “Wow – so many boys!” Or something along those lines.

All I care about is having a healthy baby – but trust me – I am THRILLED to be having another little girl and so is my DH.

For many reasons, we don’t plan to have any more children, so our family will be more than complete with our two little girls.

15 Responses to The Girl Child
  1. Lynnie
    July 16, 2008 | 8:53 pm

    First of all, CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEWS OF HAVING A DAUGHTER!!!!! I have two daughters and I was also sooo overjoyed with the news because I have always been extremely close to my own sister, and it really was all roses. Luckily, my husband was also overjoyed because he thought our first daughter was perfection itself.

    That said. I went through this EXACT same thing when we found out my second was a girl, too! I could have literally written the exact post you just wrote word for word. It is SO TRUE. Also irritating was that before we found out the sex of our second, people would observe my growing belly and 99% of the time they would say with glee, “I think it’s going to be a boy!!!!!” No one said they thought it would be a girl. It was as if wishing another girl on us was the equivalent of wishing bad luck. It was so irritating that every time someone said it I would respond, “Well, I really think it’s a girl!” just to even it out some.

    I am not one to try to persuade people to read my own blog, but I am putting this link to one particular post I wrote below which is all about the having to hear “boys are harder” constantly when you’re going insane with the antics of two girls. Just in case you’re ever wanting to hear someone who agrees with you completely, here’s that post!
    http://monkeybreadtree.blogspot.com/2008/06/giving-credit-to-all-deserving-parents.html

    And, CONGRATS again. I love hearing that people are having two girls, because I think my own two girls are amazing and I am always excited that someone else might get to experience the same!

  2. DC
    July 17, 2008 | 2:16 am

    KT- I’ve been couped up in a work conference all week, so I haven’t been able to give you a proper CONGRATS on your wonderful news!!! Couldn’t be more thrilled for you! Having two DDs just fits you perfectly. Let’s face it, raising a daughter in this ParisHilton, HannahMontana world of ours is a tall order. But with a mom like KT, I have no doubt those DDs will grow up to be strong, intelligent, independent, confident women!!!

  3. wyldirishman
    July 17, 2008 | 4:10 am

    The thought is that your DH could relate better to a son thus people expect him to be disappointed. But of course you are correct a healthy child is really what everyone wants…

    Glad to hear that you are doing well as is the new wee one…

    oh and congrats.. BTW

  4. Gillian
    July 17, 2008 | 12:55 pm

    Geesh, a bit dramatic don’t you think? Big deal. You keep letting the little things like this INFURIATE you and you’ll end up shaving weeks off your life.

  5. ABP
    July 17, 2008 | 2:15 pm

    Congratulations! All one could ever wish for is a healthy child. As a girl with an older brother – that I love dearly- I still yearned to have a sister as well. Even though my brother and I were close – we could not relate all the time and certain things we could not discuss – you know? Growing up, I would see my girlfriends with sisters and saw that special bond that they had (they fought hard and loved hard). Though not quite the same, I do have some wonderful girlfriends that I consider sisters.

    However, I think that some of the reactions you have received about your wonderful news is not entirely sexist – I think it is this ideology that that the perfect family consists of having two kids one of each sex (its actually 2.5 kids and don’t forget the white picket fence and the dog). Personally, I have found the fact of trying to define what a family should be is ridiculous. Its all about the love – right?

    Admittedly, my one child is a boy. I never cared what sex the baby was going to be. I have found that many people – even within days after the birth of my son – ask me if hope for a girl if I have a second. ???

    My theory is why set oneself up for disappointment wishing for this or that, especially over things we really have no control over. Just be happy with what has been given to us – especially a healthy baby!

    Good luck!

  6. Annie
    July 17, 2008 | 2:22 pm

    I just can’t wait! My camera is going to be busy with 2 kids now!!!!!!! I have been threatened by my BF’s mother that if i don’t have a boy she is going to have my head. (since my bf is the last boy in the family) I told her to stuff it. BRING on the GIRLS

  7. mother of one half asian kid
    July 17, 2008 | 11:00 pm

    boys rock for a number of reasons: 1) they are wilder and that makes life more fun, right? 2) they carry on the family name and dont need stupid hypenated names that hold you up at the airline kiosk 3) they look like daddy and who doesnt want a spawn who looks nothing like you. Especially with asian coursing thru them (see my name) 4) they pee standing up once you teach them, that the hard part, right? 5) no little baby doll clothes to deal with 6) did i mention they are way harder to handle, but that keeps you on your toes 7) the thought of molding him into a full-blow unmanageable mommas boy makes me giddy 8) they will excel at sports and make you proud 9) they will get better grades than girls and make you proud 10) their salary will always be higher than a girls – even at the same level doing the exact same job – and that makes you proud 11) one day my son will “babysit” his kids while his wife runs an errand, that will be great, wont it?

    ok, im rambling. But you see why boys rock.. i see you angst.. i think you should try again and again and again until you have a son… seriously…

  8. ES
    July 18, 2008 | 6:48 pm

    As the mother of a little boy, I am totally offended by the recent post of “Mother of one half asian kid.” While everyone has their own reasoning behind having a boy or a girl, writing patronizing remarks about “boys will be smarter, better athletes, get paid more,and your son babysitting his kids. Talk about setting the woman’s movement back 20 years again!

    As a woman – I find this totally offensive, because you are feeding the stereotypes of boys and girls. As the mom of a little boy – even more so, because I am teaching him by my own actions that being a strong woman is positive.

    As for your comment about your son “babysitting” his own kids – perhaps you should teach him to be a parent and not a babysitter.

    Can we just all wish the mommy to be best wishes for a healthy and happy baby – whatever the sex may be? Sheesh.

    BTW – Congrats again Kitty!

  9. Sean C. Amore
    July 18, 2008 | 7:22 pm

    MONICA –

    It is your old friend, Sean Amore. Leslie gave me your blog (I intend to read it front to back and then backwards to see what I missed the first time) but I wanted to leave a comment and touch base.

    CONGRATS on daughter number one AND daughter number two and all the rest of it.

    Drop me a line if you get two minutes. I want PHOTOS!

  10. mch
    July 19, 2008 | 2:45 am

    speaking of setting the women’s movement back…..4 letters…..WNBA

  11. mother of one half asian kid
    July 19, 2008 | 2:38 pm

    Everyone simmah down.. Apparently people get so hotsy over the subject b/c its the truth – people want boys. End of story. I’d be happy to give Kitty pointers on conceiving a son. If she’s game, Im game.. meow…

  12. Random Dude
    July 21, 2008 | 6:52 pm

    I dont know what all the fuss is about ladies…
    It not like you have a say in the gender anyway..

  13. Anna
    July 22, 2008 | 7:07 pm

    Oh Please, mother of one half Asian kid probably doesn’t even exist. It’s probably just some random person out there commenting on things for lack of anything better to do. I don’t see how anyone with access to the real world could possibly think that way. If this were my blog I’d delete those comments.

    I have two boys. One is very athletic; number two could care less about sports. Neither one is first in his class; neither one is bottom of his class either. I hyphenated both of their last names because I am the only one in my family to have kids and wanted my name in there too.

    Good luck with your girls! And Congratulations.

  14. mother of one half asian kid
    July 22, 2008 | 7:44 pm

    I was joking, people… trying to get a rise out of everyone and make Kitty laugh b/c she luvs when I stir the pot.. consider it stirred.. me thinks people are senstive on this topic for a reason..

  15. punditdad
    August 1, 2008 | 4:31 pm

    I have a daughter and she’s awesome. Would I want a son later? Sure. Would I love a daughter equally? Sure. I think it’s a mistake to delve too deeply into the emotional side of offspring gender; you don’t have a choice in the matter and you never want to feel like you don’t love the one you GOT as much as the one you didn’t get. I think Mom of Asian Kid would have been funnier if they had been Irish, or Mormon for that matter BTW.

    BTW, Kitty Time F’ing ROCKS and congrats!!!!!!!!!
    Peas Out Punditdad

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