Pimp my house, yo

Like all customers, it started innocently enough….I just got my feet wet….but before I knew it, I’d become the Elliot Spitzer of the home project world with my nanny as my pimp.

Sure, I’m not crossing state lines with prostitutes and I’m pretty sure the FBI isn’t surveilling me but seriously, I am ADDICTED.

See, I used to think I needed a wife. Now I’ve realized I have something better – a nanny. I tell her what I want done, she finds me the right people for the right price and before I know it – they are at my house, wrapping up various odds and ends. I come home from work and it’s all done. Finished. Complete. With no real effort on my part.

It’s like being a man and just showing up one day and getting a baby!

What prompted all of this?

The same thing that leads blossoming politicians and presidents astray, I’m sure, I just got tired of waiting for my DH to get it done.

It began with just some leaves being cleaned up and bagged and taken away. They’d been in that corner of our yard for THREE YEARS. With that first time, I was nervous and I didn’t tell my spouse, I just arranged for the job to get done. What I forgot was he would be home that day to take DD to school and he called saying “Who is Jose and why is he in our yard?”

HA – busted.

But see, Jose came and he took it all away and that corner of my back yard never looked better.

So I was hooked. What else was bothering me? What else needed done and the response from DH was always this: “I’ll get to it.”

Uh huh…sure you will.

As it turns out, there is SO MUCH to be done around the house…and the nanny has someone for everything.

Now DH is fully on board with this..he doesn’t even ask…he just acknowledges when something is fixed and nods his head. He sees the beauty in the nanny as our pimp. I am in hog heaven. Things have never been so clean, so organized and so expeditiously done chez moi.

So for all of you who also joined me in believing you need a wife – it turns out it’s not true! You just need a nanny as your pimp – and I’d recommend you cut your husband out of the process – just tell her what you need, settle on a price – and get it done. It’s magical.

3 Responses to Pimp my house, yo
  1. mother of one half asian kid
    September 30, 2008 | 5:10 pm

    Right there with ya.. my nanny magically got me a new garbage disposal and 2 very nice gentleman to install it.. no questions asked… Luv it! Keep on keep on, yo…

  2. punditdad
    October 1, 2008 | 5:18 am

    Wow. I”m sure Todd Palin cleans the leaves, fixes the leaks, drops off the kids and makes it to Crazy Wasilla Community Church on time. WTF is up with DH? Is he getting a high score on Donkey Kong Jr. on his Intellivision? Tell him to drop his paddles and start bringing the justice. Those husbands out there who are crossing the crazy shit off the HoneyDo list need our homeboys to hold their own end of the bargain. Punditdad out!

  3. Asti
    October 1, 2008 | 2:12 pm

    Okay can you share the wealth. Would love to have Jose et al, come on over to my house. I don’t think my nanny has a good contact sheet like that.

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