Many of you might not know that I’ve been blogging for close to six years. Until last year, I mainly did it for fun and when I had time, and I basically did nothing to generate readers. It became an outlet for me and my friends read because they love moi. Valentine’s Day is always a time of year that annoys me and something I wrote back on Valentine’s Day in 2007 still rings true today. So today, you get retro Wired Momma. Except back then I was blogging under my original name of Kitty Time – so enjoy it. Some of the pop culture references are a little dated but I think that makes this piece even better because it throws us all back to 2007. Note the Moi Loves Moi theme doesn’t seem to be unique to 2012 when I was blabbing it all over the place in this retro-post. So enjoy…and Happy Valentine’s Day. Oh – and if on this Valentine’s Day, you are fighting the reality that you can’t pretend like you have a childless marriage even though you have children, or you are wondering why you and your mate don’t make love like porn stars, this post is especially for you.
Dear Readers –
Kitty-Time is blushing over all the tokens of love and affection her beloved fans sent her on Valentine’s Day! All the notes, the dark chocolate, the beautiful flowers – you really shouldn’t have! I know you think I’m pretty and smart, but those of you who called me “Beauty Queen Yoda,” you really went too far. We barely have any empty vases left chez moi…….
And so, on this day of love, should we discuss all the ways you love moi? All the reasons you love moi? Mais Oui!
Or….shall we discuss being smart in love…..because Kitty-Time readers are not silly, naive women. Mais non! KT readers are savvy and sexy….
I was inspired by Sunday’s Modern Love column in the NYT. Any of you catch it? The columnist covered all the standard mistakes people make in love. My two favs were as follows:
1. People who want to keep a childless marriage although they have children
2. People who believe they should make love like porn stars.
SO let’s get started, kittens.
First up – those of you who are still in denial that your life and marriage is the same, even though you have children. Darlings. Gather round – not only are your life and marriage different, but so are your floppy boobies and flabby abs. I’m making your body sound like bunny characters out of an Easter tale, I’m sure you love it.
But Yes. Yes. Of course you had perfectly round and perky bosoms before. And yes, we all know you had rock-hard Jessica Biel abs. Of course you did. It’s good that you believe that. But you probably don’t anymore.
With the right bra and the right clothing (think SPANX, girls), you can still give off the impression that you have these things – and that, my dear readers, is what counts! Feeling sexy makes you sexier to anyone around you. It’s all about attitude, cats, so work it! And the more you believe that your boobies look like Jessica Simpson’s and your tummy like Jessica Biel, the more this will become your reality! There’s nothing wrong with that.
But back to your life and marriage. It’s different. Accept it, deal with it, find a routine and a system that still gives you time for each other, don’t fight it and you and your partner will find yourselves lucky in love like you were on your wedding night. If you keep denying the fact that your life is different, if you keep resisting the change that this beautiful babe has brought to your world..well then…sorry……Cupid’s got his golden arrow pointed right for your ass.
Now, as for having a love life like a porn star.
That one makes me laugh out loud.
Kitty-Time is a believer in playing to your strengths and playing to your partner’s strengths.
Has your partner shown that he is like Casanova in the boudoir before?
Do you have all kinds of XXX trixs up your sleeve that you can pull off like a natural?
If so, well then, you do make love like porn stars and it sounds fun!
If not, then quit your crying and wishing he’d become Casanova and instead, focus on his strengths. And yours.
Does he surprise you by making coffee and doing the laundry without you asking?
That’s my kind of Casanova.
Does he remember to get milk on the way home without a whisper from you? Does he just make dinner and take the initiative?
Now you’re talking dirty. It’s getting hot in here…..
Seriously kittens…..KT hopes her dear readers don’t set themselves up for disappointment. If your beloved doesn’t have a track record of surprising you with gifts and flowers, well then, he’s not going to start now. So don’t be disappointed, be realistic on what to expect – and if you’re looking for that white dress and busily planning your wedding….and he hasn’t started those things yet, he sure as hell isn’t going to start once he tears that white gown off you.
And so, dear readers, keep all the mementos of your affection for me coming. I might be blushing, but I love it.
Have a fabulous day of love. Love yourself, love your babies, and remember – play to your strengths and Cupid’s Arrow will keep hitting your home and your heart.