Category Archives: DC Moms Expert Series

Today’s Topic: All About Lice

I am re-posting this interview I did with local Lice Expert (yes, she exists) because like it or not…lice seems to be tearing through elementary and preschools…and we all need a dose of preventative medicine. Whatever you do, don’t not read because you don’t think it will ever happen to you…..

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Ahh….it’s that time of year…that time that many of us think will never come….Back-to-School! And with the return of the cherubs to school comes that never-ending, itchy scratchy problem that if you’ve never had, you pray you never will, and if you’ve never had, you probably think you only get when you’re a dirty, lazy parent…..LICE. Lice. The great equalizer. Lice. The equal opportunity offender. Lice. It happens to the best of us.

Don't fake it, we all look like this when we realize our kid has lice

And so, for today’s expert series, I turned to none other than the lice expert in Montgomery County. The woman who saved me in a dark phase of my life exactly one year ago when I realized that my child wasn’t scratching her head because she was hot and needed to pull it back (denial is never a good thing when it comes to lice), my child was scratching her head because it was infested with lice. And despite what I might have thought before, lice does happen to people who are clean and anal and attentive. I introduce you to Karen Franco of Advice on Lice in Kensington, MD. Without a doubt, my money spent at Advice on Lice was some of the best money I ever spent. Is your head itchy yet? Cause it will be by the time you are mid-way through our very helpful interview but well, an ounce of prevention does us all a world of good as we gear up to send the kiddo’s back to school in less than two weeks. Karen and her husband now run a full-time business checking heads for lice, educating parents on what to do, and generally being life-savers in your time of need when lice hits the house. Karen got started in the lice business 15 years ago when her daughter was young, she used to volunteer to do head checks, and was appalled with the stigma attached with lice and how unwilling people were to acknowledge it and do something about it. Her experience evolved into an in-demand local small business. Karen and her husband not only check families for lice, they educate you on what to do and give you the steps you need to take to make sure you eradicate it completely from your house. I won’t lie, it’s definitely work intensive but I survived…so read on for some great advice.

Karen, is there a peak time of year for lice?

Yes. Back-to-school is definitely a peak time of year for lice. Because of summer camps and people traveling, there are cross-over populations and people are sharing lice. All summer long, we are distracted – which is partly where some of the denial comes in that you mentioned – we think it must be allergies or dandruff which is absurd but people don’t want their summer disrupted.

How do we know it’s not dandruff?

Dandruff will blow off easily. It flakes. There is a mis-conception about lice – people think they are greyish white but that is misleading – they are transparent, a milky color and the nit is glued onto the hair, you have to scrape it off, whereas dandruff flakes off.

Let’s talk more about the role of denial and lice. I am very guilty of this. This time last year, my eldest walked around scratching her head like crazy for easily 2 weeks. I didn’t want to accept that it could be lice, and because we’d never had it before, while I did check her head, I didn’t really know what I was looking for and her hair is very thick. It wasn’t until there were bugs actually hopping that I had to accept this child had lice. I feel like sleep away camp is a big problem with lice and going back-to -school. Do you find this about sleep-away camp?

Yes. Kids go to sleep-away camp and often get lice. And many of the camps actually screen them when they arrive and if they find lice, send them home, which leaves upset children. Some parents bring them to see us for a head check as soon as they pick the kids up from sleep away camp. The bottom line is there is no magic potion to make lice go away – there is no smell that repels them.

So what can we do to prevent lice?

Get a fine tooth comb and comb their hair on a regular basis. Make it part of your weekly routine and that is your best prevention.  Prevention is getting the lice out before it takes root and sets up a family. I recommend the Lice Meister comb and brushing through the child’s hair twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. You can order the comb online. I have one client who has made combing through her child’s hair part of their family routine by starting and ending the week with the comb throughs. Every Monday and every Friday, she sits down her child, uses some conditioner, and combs through from the scalp to the end of the hair. The public schools here believe that lice is a nuisance and because it is not life threatening, you don’t have to keep your child home from school, but that doesn’t help anyone. The bottom line is, it’s prudent to designate a day to look through everyone’s hair every week. It is never appropriate to say your child can’t miss school and you will just let it go.

So, you find out your child has lice – so then what? What do you do?

First let me say that the homeopathic treatments are not based on science, they are not effective. You need chemicals to kill the lice. I recommend Rid and I recommend that my clients leave it on their heads for longer than 10 minutes, which is what it says on the box. I advise clients to leave it on for a minimum of 30 minutes to kill all the live bugs. The method that we lay out on our web site has been validated time and time again. The problem is that the live bugs are the contagious ones, they crawl, they know they want to be in the human head. There are so many mis-informed theories out there about how to kill lice. One really common one is putting olive oil on your head and sleeping all night with it – that does not kill the lice. The lice breathe through pores and they can close their pores for up to 18 hours, so sleeping with olive oil doesn’t kill the lice. And then – you have to comb through the hair. The comb that comes with the RID is a joke. They do not work. You have to use a fine tooth comb, like the Lice Meister. Parents of boys often shave their son’s head and that will get rid of the lice.

What about if you are pregnant or have very young children – what product should you use that will still kill the lice but doesn’t have chemicals?

There is a new prescription medication that has no pesticides called Ulesfia. It’s not meant for anyone under 6 months. Because the product is new, we recommend using less product than prescribed the first time and then using it again 10 days later. Many pharmacies don’t carry it but the pharmacy in our building does carry it.

Are we all itchy yet?? But seriously, having lived through this, I was cursing all the stuffed animals we owned as I put them in the dryer and bagged them for a few weeks. How long do they live when they are not on a head? And what about car seats?

A healthy adult female or male can live for about 1.5 days, depending on where it is. The nits will die within an hour or so. If your child has been in the car seat and it’s summer time, the bug will be dead in the hot car within 2-3 hours. The bottom line is the head is where they live, they are not infecting your car, carpets, your home. They can’t do their important activities anywhere beyond the head, so what I urge people to do is spend their time focusing on combing the hair with a proper fine-tooth comb.

So Karen, as we embark on the school year, can you tell us how much your services cost and give us some parting words of wisdom?

Yes, we charge $85/hour or $20 for a screening. All the products we recommend are available in our store. We can go to people’s homes but children are usually much better behaved when not at home and in our offices and we are just better equipped with the seating and lighting in our office.  Also, I think it is important to teach children about lice in terms of “life sciences” to help eliminate the stigma attached with lice and really teach prevention and education. As for parting words of wisdom, I like to say “When in doubt, comb it out.”

Those are excellent final words from Karen. So moms, when in doubt, comb it out……and call Karen. And remember, denial is never a good thing when it comes to lice.  Finally, if you liked today’s WM Expert Series, please “Like” Wired Momma on Facebook or look to the right and subscribe…it’s an easy way to keep up with future fabulous local mom expert interviews and well, other random things we discuss here.

One-on-One with Eun Yang: Pregnancy Weight Gain, Pumping, Puffiness & “Balance”

I have to tell you, when I tweeted NBC 4 Morning Anchor Eun Yang and asked her if she would do an interview on being a working mom in DC, I really didn’t expect to hear back from her. Her profile description on Twitter piqued my interest quite a while ago because when given 140 characters, she chose to note that she’s on the perennial search for work-life balance.  If a successful and high-profile working mom with young kids is going to use  her 140 characters to note her struggle with working and family balance, then you must know how much I wanted to talk about it with her. Just imagine my sheer delight when I heard back from her within a few hours and she enthusiastically agreed to the interview, noting it sounded fun.

NBC 4's Eun Yang with her youngest

How could I chat with her and not sound like a crazy stalker, I worried, because I have this flawed sense of knowing her just because I watch her on TV, including watching her through some of her pregnancies, wondering what it felt like to have to show the DC metro-area every day just how much bigger you were growing. Fortunately, she was as warm and open during our interview as she seems on TV, (not helping my attempt at playing it cool and having to keep reminding myself that we aren’t BFFs)  so if you, too, have ever wondered how she doesn’t look exhausted, how she manages a demanding job with 3 young kids or what it’s like to endure 3 pregnancies in front of a camera, read on. Her recession-proof trade secret in reducing under-eye puffiness will surprise you, as much as her candor on pumping in strange places.

First, some background. Eun is one of those elusive true Washingtonians, hailing from Silver Spring. She has 2 boys and one girl, ages 7, 5 and 3 and will celebrate her second anniversary of anchoring NBC 4′s morning news in January. Before earning the anchor job, she worked weekend mornings and reported news on scene. Her husband is from Bethesda and she repeatedly noted how lucky they are to have the help of family so close when they need it, as do many of us, because we all know that when you have two working parents, messy kid stuff happens during business hours and you need help.  Even when your business hours start at 4:30am. I went into our interview prepared with a list of questions but what I found was how easily the conversation flowed to topics that we all dish on every day and I was so impressed with her willingness to openly discuss her challenges as a working mom and the, sometimes, unflattering reality of revealing 9-month girth in front of the camera. With that, let’s jump in.

WM: What is it like being pregnant on camera?

Eun: I worked until the very end with each pregnancy. In fact, with my first child, I was working the night before he was born and around 7pm was joking that because of the scheduling shuffle we were all doing, I was going to go into labor. Sure enough, I went into labor that night. I faced the same challenges we all do with finding professional outfits and would end up wearing the same black outfit almost every day. By the very end of each pregnancy, I really could only wear yoga pants. I gained 60lbs with my youngest. And she was born in the height of the summer, late July, and by then I could only wear flip-flops and was so uncomfortable sitting on set and had to go to the bathroom all the time. Everyone loved to comment on how big I was getting and how huge I looked from the side. The photographers loved to joke that they didn’t want me going into labor in their vehicles. I also ate a lot and that made for great commentary. I really did eat huge cheeseburgers and fries, though.

WM: Did you feel pressure to get back to work after each of your pregnancies, given your demanding field?

Eun: I was really lucky because the station worked with me to make the transition back really seamless. I know so many women just aren’t that lucky. I saved up my vacation time and took 3 months off, I even worked part-time for a few months and nursed each of my kids. The truth is, you never want your kids to be an excuse while you are at work, so when I am at work, I am really centered on the work in front of me, but I am grateful for the family support I have, which helps make it possible.

WM: I talk a lot about work and kids on my blog, I really don’t believe balance is possible and hate the common use of the term. Do you think balancing kids and work is possible?

Eun: I think there is no such thing as balance. We make sacrifices, we might miss some of our kids milestones, and it hurts, but if you have a career, you are going to feel pushed and pulled apart in two different directions. Sometimes time it feels like you just can’t give 100% to either side.  There are times it feels heart-breaking, and especially with 3 kids, I just can’t be there for every single thing. I do my best and my schedule accommodates the fact that I can be there in the afternoon. But I also don’t get any time for myself. Tell me when I can find an hour to go to the gym, I’ve got a pair of pants that have needed to be hemmed for over a year, I just have no time to go to the gym or run errands or grocery shop.

WM: So, you mentioned being really focused when on set, are you able to compartmentalize, so your focus is solely on the job?

Eun: I wouldn’t say I compartmentalize because I think about my kids all the time. Anchors have to really know the stories and pay attention, otherwise we just aren’t effective. So I really have to be present when I am on air but when I am covering stories that affect children, for example, I think about  my kids automatically. I thing being a mother gives me a different perspective and provides another element to my work.  Becoming a mother really changed me and how I cover the news, I can really identify with certain stories in a different way.

WM: Does the news really start at 4:30am, is anyone watching then, and what time do you have to wake up? Honestly, if I am seeing you as early as 5am, it’s because my  kids have me up and then I’m just sorta pissed.

Eun: Yes, the news starts at 4:30am and I think especially in DC, people are up early. We are a busy city and so many people are out the door to work by 7am. So many want to get the news before they head out and start their day. So I wake up at 2:30am, I leave by 3:30am and then am on the air by 4:30am.  I do 2.5 hours of news, then cutins for the Today Show, participate in a morning meeting, then  I contribute to our non-stop news channel, then I get to a mountain of emails and return phone calls. Then I’ll pick up my youngest from preschool and we play and have lunch before we pick up the older two. In a perfect world, if I can get my daughter to cooperate and there is no unexpected drama, I can get a nap in with her before the 3pm school pick up. But as you know, sometimes the stars just don’t align. Sometimes it’s a great day and sometimes it’s a horrible day. I am so lucky to have family here, I just couldn’t do it without family. Our house is so small, we don’t have room for an au pair, so when my husband travels for work, my mom spends the night in our office.

WM: Wow, I would imagine you’d have live-in nannies and night nurses.

Eun: No. Not me. I know some people do. I nursed all of my kids for a year. Fortunately they only needed to nurse at night for a few months. I dragged a pump with me to work and all over the place. I covered the second Bush inauguration and the Obama inauguration and I had to pump in a closet next to Lafayette Park. I’ve pumped in crazy places – random office buildings, in the live-truck van, all over the place.

WM: I love it. I know so many people can relate to dragging the pump around and pumping in really uncomfortable places – but this is a great working mom in DC story – just picturing you covering presidential inaugurations and behind-the-scenes pumping in a closet. So about that 2:30am wake up – especially with high-def TV now – how do you not look exhausted? What is your secret to not having puffy eyes?

Eun: I’ve reached a point in my life where I am willing to pay more for skin care than clothes. I really love Aveeno and Neutrogena products, I use my products in the morning and the evening. I really love GinZing by Origins to take down the puffiness. But I also splash ice-cold water on my face. In the summer, if the faucets can’t get cold enough, then I put ice in a bowl and dunk my whole face in it. That takes down the swelling and the puffiness. I also really like Smashbox Photo Finish, it really smooths out the skin.

WM: I love this recession-proof tip on reducing under eye puffiness – it is fantastic! But everyone is going to want to know – how long do you splash on the water for – or dunk your face in the cold water?

Eun: Haha! In the winter, and most of fall and spring, my pipes are cold enough, that I splash cold water from the faucet on my face at least 10 times, and then a few more time on my eyes for good measure. In the summer, I need ice water in a mixing bowl and do the same thing. If I’m particularly puffy, I’ll dunk my face for a few seconds, about 5 times. You can store your anti-puff anti-black circle eye cream in the fridge too.

WM: Excellent. Now, how about your kids, do they watch you on TV or do they not really care?

Eun: The content of the news is just not really appropriate for young children, so maybe in the last 5 minutes if there is a reason to watch, they  might tune in but they really aren’t impressed. I am just  Mommy to them. It’s especially important for us to be careful about what’s on with my 7-year-old because there’s no speaking around it anymore, now that he spells. It’s harder and harder to have conversations because he’ll ask questions – these kids can really snuff you out.

WM: I totally agree – it’s really important to monitor what is on TV when the kids are around as they get older. I’m always amazed with what my 6-year-old picks up on. So, a friend of mine wanted to ask you how you get to the station when there’s a bad snowstorm – do you drive yourself?

Eun: When it’s really bad, they have designated SUV drivers that will come pick us up. One morning, the roads weren’t plowed and I really didn’t think it was that bad out. Of course my husband was away for work when this happened and we live in an old DC row house with an alley in back. I was trying to get my car out of the alley and I was stuck. I had to wake up my mother who then drove the car while I shoveled the snow at 3am. I will never let my husband live that one down.

WM: Isn’t that how it always happens? They are always away when crazy things happen! I know you’re busy, so can we end with this – have you ever gotten any great advice or do you have any final parting words on balancing kids with a career and being a busy mom?

Eun: I just want to say hats-off to working moms. It is such a tough job and finding time to be your best at home and at work and finding time for ourselves is so hard. I think it’s important to try not to neglect yourself completely and I truly believe it takes a village. Moms need to support each other, I am always looking to step in and help another mom, and pick up something extra to do for the preschool class, for example, because you just never know when you will need the help. I believe that we working moms can do this. That we are strong, capable, smart and we can raise successful children and have successful careers. Yes it is challenging but like everything else we do,  we use our resources and our wits to make it work.

Thank you so much to Eun for her positive parting words and for taking the time to talk so candidly about her own struggles and challenges in being a working mom. I really loved getting a behind-the-scenes peek at what it’s like to be pregnant and be a mom while working in front of the camera. And her budget-friendly tip on reducing eye puffiness is invaluable because if she can wake up at 2:30am 5 days a week, and not look tired, then I guess I better stop complaining and dunk my face in some cold water. For more fun, trashing of the concept of “balance” or really anything else, don’t forget to “Like” the Wired Momma FB page.

How Not to Raise a Praise Junkie

Even better, how not to sound like you’re training a dog when you’re addressing your kids. That’s right, I would venture to guess we are all guilty of over-praising our kids. Certainly I’m not the only one and sometimes I can’t stand it when I hear unnecessary praise coming out of my mouth but it’s a habit, or I’m tired, and I can’t think of anything more original to say. Turns out, a high five would be sufficient.

I recently read the piece in the Washington Post about how boosting self-esteem through praise is back-firing and we are ending up with children who are afraid to take risks or tackle challenges for fear of not coming out on top. Michael Alison Chandler’s piece really struck a chord with me because as I raise my 3-and-6-year-old, I want them to be resourceful, to learn from mistakes, to have courage and take risks. I think taking the safe road is boring. But I also hear myself praising art work that frankly, doesn’t always warrant it. It’s a vicious cycle. So when local parenting coach Meghan Leahy agreed to answer some of my questions, I jumped at the chance. After reading Chandler’s piece, what it left me wishing for was some instruction and guidance on how to raise confident kids who aren’t “praise junkies.” So read on – Leahy’s advice is so good that I am tempted to print some of it out onto notecards and hang it around my house, to serve as reminders for those days when I am too tired to think straight.

 

Really...do we always need to give out trophies for everything?

WM: First, I realize the Washington Post piece is talking about school-age children and the importance of not showering them with too much empty praise – but where does this begin? As parents, are we guilty of showering too much praise on our really little ones and then it builds from there?

 Schools reflect the larger culture in which they exist in (i.e., when spanking was more common, children were corporally punished in schools, etc.)  So, yes, schools started the praising because parents really felt like their children wanted and needed it to succeed (academically).  Schools also used scientific studies, such as the ones found in behavioral psychology, to show that rewards are more likely to repeat a behavior.  The newer studies are showing, though, that rewards (praise) do not positively affect internal motivation, and in fact, the more praise that is heaped on a person (without any proof, or discussion of progress, or choice allowed on the part of the person being praised), the more that person’s productivity goes down (while the confidence stays high).  This, obviously, is a bit of a disaster for students, especially when we think that these youngsters will be our workforce in the next decade or so.

WM: On some level, it’s hard for me not to wonder if this is a classic example of overly-educated parents worrying about a first-world problem? In other words – who isn’t going to praise a baby for clapping his hands or building a puzzle? Do we actually need to be conscientious of how much we praise babies and toddlers?

 Merriam-Webster defines praise as 1. : to express a favorable judgment of : commend. 2. : to glorify (a god or saint) especially by the attribution of perfections.

So, babies.  Babies young brains require us to talk to them (often), smile, make goo-goo sounds, and exaggerate our facial expressions.  Babies reward us (ha!) with like-sounds and smiles.  They learn to articulate language this way, and also, importantly, read and understand facial expressions.  Literally, crucial brain growth that affects the rest of their emotional lives happens in these interactions…so, is this praise and is it bad?

No.  When we look at the first definition by Merriam-Webster, as parents we are showing favorable judgment!  Babies come out cute and utterly needy, and we must use the voices and faces and clapping to help their brains along. The problem comes when the babies grow quickly into toddlers, preschoolers, and school-age kids.  The needs of the growing brain do not require the clapping and big expressions, but the parents have developed a nasty habit. 

This is where the second definition of praise starts to become a problem.  Glorifying our children, looking for perfections: “the best picture!” “the prettiest girl!” “the fastest boy on the team!” are not growing the brain to cope and recognize feelings.  These statements are based on outcomes, and those outcomes are the best.  There is no discussion of progress or the specific effort required to get to a good outcome.  Hard work?  Practice?  Resilience?  Not mentioned in praise.  You can see praised kids because they are often searching out the adult “okay,” but may still remain apathetic about their product.

WM: This is so interesting. So here’s another question,  as a parent of two young girls, I go out of my way to praise my girls for their intellectual abilities. I’m very aware of the Princess/Disney influence and feel strongly that from the beginning, I am recognizing their smarts and their resourcefulness. How does this apply to what the Post piece laid out in terms of raising praise addicts? The piece points to the importance of not praising kids for basic accomplisments because it encourages them to rest on their laurels instead of challenge themselves.

 The article quotes Dweck, and she writes in “Mindset” that one of the major problems with praise is that it infers that you either “got it or you don’t!”  You are either smart or not, funny or not, sporty or not, arty or not, etc.  She has study after study that show these attributes can be grown in people, but when you praise, who would ever know that?  Since effort is not what is noticed, children box themselves into categories that allow little to no growth, and may not even be true!  And when life deals them a blow, there is nothing there to draw upon.  The children have not been taught to fail and get up, or to even experience discomfort.  They simply cannot believe it and would give up rather than experience the challenge and hard work.

WM: Can you give us advice on other ways to respond to children seeking praise? In other words, a teacher at my daughter’s preschool once said that when they come home with the endless art, to instead ask them what they think of the picture or how it makes them feel – thereby getting around not unncessarily praising them for something that well, isn’t necessarily praise worthy. What sort of advice do you have along those lines?

You can notice children and encourage them without using praise.  Encouragement is what all forms of positive parenting use, because it means to give heart, to bring spirit or hope.  Encouragement focuses on the process, it focuses on the child (not what the adult thinks and judges), and it doesn’t make something “the best!”  So, here are some examples of the differences between praise and encouragement:

Your child brings home a drawing:

Praise:  That is the prettiest picture I have ever seen…I love it!

Encouragement:  I see you used green in this corner, tell me more about that.

Your child makes the basketball team:

Praise:  I knew you could do it; you are the fastest on the team.

Encouragement:  You have practiced hard for this, how does it feel to achieve this goal?

Your child gets all her math homework finished quickly and it is correct:

Praise:  You are so smart in math!

Encouragement:  I have noticed how quickly you worked, show me some of the problems and how you solved them!

Your child loses the track race at school, coming in 3rd:

Praise:  You are still the best, you just didn’t eat enough breakfast!

Encouragement:  {{hugs from Mom and Dad, and when the child is ready to talk, you can say…}}  I saw someone running hard today.  How do you feel it went?

You will see the obvious difference between praise and encouragement.  Encouragement invites discussion, does not try to solve, and does not glorify the child. Is it okay to celebrate something wonderful child?  Yes, of course.  Praise is like cotton candy, as my former PEP leader and friend Chrisy would say: A little is great and quite enjoyable, but a lot of cotton candy?  Rots your teeth, makes you feel sick, and doesn’t help you grow.

I would argue little of what we praise needs so much celebration.

Brushing teeth, using the toilet, showing kindness, going down a slide, setting the table, helping a little brother…these are acts that should be noticed and grown, but celebrated?  Clapped over?  High-squeaky voices?  No.  Life will not do this for them, therefore, we should encourage these acts, not praise them.

WM: Really great advice – the distinction  makes so much sense. Do you think we are a culture that is raising young kids to be praise addicts? I  know so many people feel that is the case with sports and every kid getting awards and trophies instead of just the few who might really be set apart. How do you break yourself and your kid from the habit of empty praise?

As parents, we have to look ourselves in the mirror and ask: “If my kid is totally average (which they probably are, the bell-curve is the bell-curve for a reason), can I get okay with that?”  You might say, “Yes!” and I still may not believe you.

Our culture looks for results, acceptance, rewards, and outcomes.  I get it, because it is a good way to assess if a business is successful.

But our children are not businesses.  You break the cycle of praise when you realize how much you are robbing from your child when you focus on results.  When you put your child into boxes (yes, even over puzzles), your child is made less than they are.  Beautifully, perfectly average and brimming with potential.

If, as a parent, your children’s wins and losses weigh heavily on your soul, you need to fill your own bucket up. 

Do we protect, love, support, and guide our kids?  Of course.  We don’t allow a three year old to run into the street to “see what happens” because the outcome could be death.  We don’t hand over car keys to 16 year olds without classes and supervision, and simply “hope that works out.”  No.

But if you are running scared as a parent…picking up everything, picking all of the clothes, making all of the food, “remembering” all of the homework, finding all of the library books, running to every try-out (when the kid doesn’t seem to care)…then praise is going to communicate to your child, “You are a product; I am the CEO, but I want you to somehow grow a backbone and be a great kid and adult.”  It just doesn’t work.

We love our children.  We want them to be happy.  We want them to have what we didn’t.  Or have what we did.  Or have something totally different that we read in a book.  Ultimately, though, our kids have to find their own happiness because it is not about us.

WM: You’ve given us so much to think about. To wrapt it up, do you have any age-appropriate guidelines? Again, unless you have ice running through your veins, there’s no way you can not react happily and with praise to babies and young toddlers performing seemingly mundance things. But how do we adjust and alter our praise as the child gets older?

Whenever what you would say sounds like how you would train a dog, stay quiet.  Instead, stop talking so much. Hugs work, for all ages.  Winks, high-fives, and special signs work too. When you have to talk, narrate what is happening.  “I have a baby who is feeding herself!  Look at those hands go!”  Happy?  Yes.  Clapping like a fool in the face of your child?  No.

When you have to speak, notice.  Notice process, notice hard work, and notice the characteristics and values that make up a person who achieves something great.  Notice growth.  “Last week you could not reach the sink, and now you can wash your hands all by yourself.  You are really growing.”

And when something great happens, do something fun!  Go out and celebrate with friends and family…toast each other.  Mention accomplishments and the work that went into it.  Have a sundae party.  Have a sleep-over.  Eat dessert for dinner.  HAVE FUN.  Because when you stop praising and celebrate the REAL accomplishments and work, children remember that.  It actually means something!

Thank you so much to Meghan for giving us such great, practical and useful advice. You can follow Meghan’s blog for more advice or learn more about what services she offers or you can catch her blogs for Discovery here. And of course, be sure to “Like” the WM Facebook page, maybe on there I will explore why I am a chocolate junkie. Will anyone praise me for that?

New Year…Get Kid’s Things Organized!

“You can always be organized but with children, you’re not always going to be neat,” says local mom & home organization expert Rachel Strisik.

Can I hear the “RIGHT ONs” bouncing across the beltway right now?

What? What is that I hear you saying? Say it again? Should we shout it from the rooftops? Can I remind myself of this mantra when I get into my definitely not neat car or open one of my closet doors and duck for fear of what might just come tumbling out at me?

Rachel on NBC4 with Angie Goff

What about when I cringe and peer into the playroom?

Come to think of it, maybe I will make a theme of blaming my shortcomings on my children in 2012 because even though I am awesome, I fall short in a few areas. Husbands are part of the problem of things not being…ahem…neat (need I remind you of the dis-mantled crib that remained in my upstairs hallway for a few months earlier this fall?).

As we know,  2012 is the year of I am Awesome and Moi Loves Moi. Part of being awesome is being organized. So, who best to talk to about this problem than Rachel Strisik, home organizer extraordinare.

Rachel started her home organizing business back in 2005  before her twin girls were born. Along the way, she also spent 2.5 years working for Stacy London, who many of us know from What Not to Wear. Bottom line – if you need some organization in your life – then this is the local area mom to call. We had the chance to talk in late December and I have lived by her words since we last spoke.

Rachel pointed out that holidays and birthdays are the perfect time to weed through playrooms and make room for the new stuff. With her own twin girls, who turn four this month, she’s made a regular habit of looking through what they already have and starting a donate pile, and now her girls participate in this activity. Typically I am skeptical of any sort of “involve the kids in cleaning” tips because they come saddled with “They will love it” advice, and I used to wonder if that was a euphemism for “Really, you’re going to just give yourself another reason to listen to your kids whine while you try to do something productive.” But, surprisingly, I have found that my 6-year-old truly enjoys participating in the “donation pile” cleaning activity and we make up stories about the younger kids who might use this certain toy and what they’ll be like. Plus, we all know from Toy Story that no toy is happy until it has a child to play with it, and so it’s fun to remind her of that as we dust off the toys she’s outgrown and I remind her why she actually can part with it.

Another reason that cleaning out toys is important is this: Rachel reminded me of the impact of visual clutter on both kids and adults. A chaotic cluttered room is not peaceful, or even something anyone wants to set foot in. Kind of like my car. A common solution to tackling the visual clutter is to rotate toys. Frankly I’ve always known this is a good idea but I just don’t see myself doing it. Rachel’s advice is to actually schedule time on your calendar, like a doctor’s appointment, and then you have no excuse – you’ve set aside that date and time to approach the clutter, rotate it out and leave only the toys they actually play with in sight. And it is true that when they eventually see a toy again that they haven’t seen in a while, they are going to play with it, and eagerly. I really appreciated the tip of scheduling the time in your calendar.

Finally the dreaded topic of kids art work came up. Rachel raised the issue of taking pictures of the kids artwork and loading them into a Snapfish album. I’m sure like moi, you’ve heard this approach several times and if you are anything like moi, you are apt to dismiss it as just high maintenance and unrealistic.  But then Rachel made two points that really struck a chord with me. First, she said that what she advises clients to do is write down what the child said about that piece of artwork and include that statement in the Snapfish album, so when they are older and looking back on it, not only can they see what they made but they can read what they thought about it. I loved that idea. And then she said this – we all need to be “conscious of what we are saving because we are passing it along to our children.”

And she is totally right. I myself have boxes of  my old cherished art work from my youth, hogging up prime storage space in my basement, that my mother eagerly passed on to me. Do I ever look at it? No. Can I bear with tossing it out? No. Do I have a problem? Maybe. So do I need to repeat the cycle and pass it along to my girls? Probably not.

Rachel was on NBC4 with Angie Goff on Saturday discussing kids room organization tips in-depth – so if you want specific advice on containers and storing and organizing toys, check out the link to her fabulous interview.

In the  mean time, happy organizing! And tell me – do you rotate toys out or have you ever done a photo album just of the kids artwork?

For more true confessions on how not-organized I really am..and other such fun…be sure to “Like” the WM page on FB.