Category Archives: DC Parenting Blogger

Kids Cartoons Make Me Cranky

So clearly based on the headline of today’s post, I let my kids watch TV. Sometimes I wonder if I let them watch too much TV – especially in the morning – but what can you do. A gal needs to survive and I don’t subscribe to mommy guilt. So while I’m confessing to letting my kids watch TV, I feel compelled to confess that I DESPISE some of the cartoons my eldest daughter LOVES.

And sometimes her top favorite show choices concern me.

Why does she love, for example, Max & Ruby? Why, God, why? Is it to punish me for regularly forgetting to go to Church? Is it because she wants to live in a parent-less house and boss around her sibling around the clock? Is it because she feels her grandmother is the only adult presence in her life? Is it because she thinks Ruby is likeable? Because Ruby is not likeable. She’s not even tolerable.

Truth be told: I can’t stand Ruby. She is bossy, preachy, annoying and bratty.

Wait.

Maybe I am like Ruby?

Could it be? Could I be successfully  making my child’s TV watching habits about ME?

I might be.  But writing this post actually prompted me to do a little online digging about the whereabouts of Max & Ruby’s parents and much to my amusement, I learned that there used to be an internet rumor that Max & Ruby’s parents were killed by Farmer McGregor. Have I mentioned how much I love internet rumors??

Anyhow, apparently their parents are deliberately absent because kids are meant to learn the lesson that they can work things out themselves.

Really show creators? Cause that lesson escapes me entirely, so my kid is meant to pick up on this very subtle lesson? We are all too busy being suffocated by Ruby and her attitude….

And then there’s the Berenstain Bears. A classic. A decades-long beloved classic.

I HATE THIS CARTOON.

I don’t mind the books. Really, I don’t. I get that there are valuable lessons woven through these books. But the cartoon – can’t stand it and my daughter actively seeks the cartoons out regularly. Why is Mama Bear the only one with a moral compass? Why is Papa Bear a useless thug of a man-cub? Is this family supposed to be reflective of a real family? Are sister bear’s and brother bear’s names as stupid as some of the latest and worst celebrity baby names? (Bing Bellamy – Kate Hudson’s new son?  Kase – Jewel’s new son?)

Why don’t they have names? I secretly snickered as I read one of the books where one of the kids made fun of Sister’s name – cause why wouldn’t they make fun of it? And why does Mama Bear incessantly need to be teaching each of them how to do the right thing, starting with her idiotic husband? Again, like Ruby, Mama Bear is so preachy and self-righteous. Why can’t she live a little?

So imagine my surprise and delight when I stumbled upon the Facebook Page “Is Mama Bear Bipolar?” I felt a true kindred spirit with the page’s founder upon reading the first sentence of the group description:

“For over six decades, Mama Bear has been killing all the joy within the Bear family in the Berenstain Bears books with her stuck-up, PMSy shenanigans.”
HILARIOUS.  And excellent use of one of my all-time fav words: shenanigans.
So, what kid shows do I like?
 
  • Word Girl. She’s cool and smart.
  • Any celebrity sighting in Sesame Street, especially Will.I.Am’s empowering and sweet song “What I Am” 
  • Phineas and Ferb, of course, because they’re creative, up to no good, and there’s a random platypus (but again, enter a moderately annoying and preachy older sister – what is that about, people?)

Could there be something wrong with me that I loathe shows woven with positive moral lessons and that encourage independence? For more talk of being bossy and offing preachy bunnies, be sure to “Like” the Wired Momma Facebook page.

Juggling Moms – is there a Shangri-La to work and life?

The law does not mandate work-life balance,” nor does it “require companies to ignore and stop valuing ultimate dedication, however unhealthy that may be for family life,” said Judge Preska this summer regarding the Bloomberg discrimination against pregnant and working mothers case.

“There’s no such thing as work-life balance,” Mr. Welch told the Society for Human Resource Management’s Conference a few years ago. “There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.”

“Once you get off the escalator, you don’t get back on,” said my investor relations professor in graduate school, to a room filled with 20-something women who were eager to achieve career success and planned on eventually having children. We all looked nervously at each other after hearing what this woman, a wildly successfully IR PR professional for a Fortune 500 company, a Northwestern University graduate school professor and mother, had to say to us so very bluntly. Could she be right, we all worried?

Each of these statements are harsh, unforgiving, blunt and brutal. But are they wrong? Among the world of Type A, educated, successful, intelligent women, in this eternal quest for “balance” and “juggling” – are we creating expectations that just aren’t realistic?

Please tell me that this isn't what I look like handling my life

Balance implies equal parts, right? Juggling, well aside from the fact that creepy circus clowns are the only people who actually juggle, isn’t the idea of juggling meant to be fun? You’ve mastered a sport, you are having fun, you are showing off your talents. Do any of these things sound remotely like what it is like to have a career and a family?

Not in my experience.

Welch might hail from an 80s-era business philosophy of good-old boys and face-time in the office, things that we are slowly chipping away at with time and technology but is his statement actually antiquated and incorrect? I don’t think so. We individually decided to have children knowing that it would change our lives forever and dramatically. And from my almost 6 years in, the biggest consequence is not the lack of sleep, the unwanted lines appearing on my face, the amount of time I’ve spent cleaning hynies or even having to say that word, or wasted hours watching the same “Backyardigans” episode on repeat. The biggest consequence is the fundamental change in my career.

But I don’t view it as a permanent one or that I’ve been victimized in the work place. I actually disagree with my grad school professor that once you get off the escalator you can’t get back on. But it would be naive for me to think I’d get back on in the same spot and continue on the same path. The thing is, if I wanted that, I wouldn’t have stepped off.

Ultimately, we can “mommy track” ourselves and have more time to see our kids after school, take them to playdates, get them to the doctors when they are sick, volunteer in class and all these other things that happen during the business day. What I don’t understand is why this is viewed as a bad thing instead of the reality of choosing to create more time for our kids, to the detriment of our career.

Or, we can remain on the upward trajectory of high-achieving business success, the kind that shatters glass ceilings. And in making that choice, we know that someone else will spend more time raising our children than we are. But that is our decision. I guess what I’m saying is I don’t disagree with Welch and I don’t disagree with Judge Preska. Ask someone without children how they feel about working parents getting promoted above them if the working parent spends fewer hours in the office, travels less, and comes in late more?  Those people don’t care about our reasons because we decided to have the family.

Doesn't she look confident and in charge?

The good news is I think that we don’t need to be making final and ultimate decisions right now. I think the work place has evolved into an arena where you can stay in the game, take on less, but in time, ramp back up. I think that instead of spending our time on this eternal quest for the shangri-la of motherhood, the ultimate in work-life balance, we need to do what we talked about a few weeks ago -see the whole picture – see that there are ebbs and flows to life and own our decisions, be proud of them, and be at peace with the consequences of them. So may of us have periods of work intensity but perhaps it can follow with a period that is more family focused, we can get promoted but then maybe we want to remain at that level for longer than our pre-children selves imagined we would. We can try to stay home, realize we don’t like it, and return to work with more vigor and dedication than we had before but with a peace of mind that we are proud of this decision because we’ve tried the other way. We step off the escalator and let our future selves worry about how and when we get back on, knowing the financial implications this brings to our household.

I firmly believe that what makes you “supermom” is owning your decision, recognizing the consequences and accepting the reality that you can’t give it all to both. “Balance” is for the birds, as my mom would say. Own it, be realistic about the consequences, realize life constantly changes and be proud of it.

What do you think? Is there such thing as work-life balance? Can you be wildly successful at work and also have “enough” time with your kids? Do you think you can step off the elevator and get back on?

Should adults accept Facebook friend requests from young kids?

In case you didn’t catch it last week, I posted my first piece for HuffPost DC. So often we talk about the need to protect children from predators online, and obviously I agree with that completely, but in my first piece, I wanted to explore the potential pitfalls of accepting a young child’s Facebook friend request, especially because so many children under the age of 13 are joining Facebook (in fact, data shows that 7.5 million under 13 have accounts). I’d love for you to read it and see what you think.

Distracted Driving: Hypocrisy Anyone?

Think about the first ice or snow storm we will get here this winter. What is the inevitable conversation that happens, beyond mocking all the school systems for closing for the day before a drop of snow even falls from the sky? You got it, we mock this town for all the “people who can’t drive in the snow.” We love to laugh about those buffoons. We talk about  how we grew up in Minneapolis or Buffalo and a real storm isn’t until you’ve gotten over a foot and we are such pansies around here. We all do this. But see, if we all mock these people, then some of us must also BE these people that we are mocking, otherwise we wouldn’t have such traffic disasters each and every time it snows. (Need I remind you of the day last winter where it took many people, my husband included, something like 6 hours to get home?).  So look, I will be the first to admit that much as I love to mock, I am totally one of those PEOPLE WE MOCK. I’ve officially never really driven in bad snowy weather, I never owned a car in my life until I was 30 years old and we moved away from our apartment on Connecticut Avenue and well, it only snows a few times a year here (usually), so I just rely on 4WD while happily tossing my head back in uproarious laughter with everyone as we mercilessly mock “those people who can’t drive in the snow.”

Hypocritical much?

I think the same can be said for texting and driving. Ashley Halsey III of The Washington Post ran a story on Wednesday about how 35% of drivers said they’ve read or sent a text while driving in the past month and 67% said they talked on the phone while driving in the past month.  Interestingly, a deeper review of the survey data reveals that the majority of people believe OTHERS are more dangerous when they text and drive or chat and drive, than they are and so they overwhelmingly support laws against texting and driving. My state of Maryland just this weekend enacted the law banning texting and driving – we can now get ticketed as a primary offense for this behavior.

Back to the hypocrisy:  First of all, I don’t believe that only 35% of drivers have read or sent a text while driving (does this include stopped at a red light) because look around the Beltway or any major road in DC and I see it happening every time I drive. But more to the point, we are a culture of totally agreeing with the socially responsible answer when polled but we are quick to say everyone else should do it. Just like we mock “Washingtonians” for being terrible drivers in one inch of snow…are we a nation of hypocrites? It can’t just be symptomatic of people living in DC.

Here’s why we as parents should care DEEPLY about this issue of texting and driving – because our teens are doing it and our teens are dying. According to Allstate and The Hill, from an event they hosted last week on this important issue, more than 4,000 teens are dying on our roads and highways every year. Accidents on the road are the number one cause of teenage deaths. And 4,000 teens losing their lives equates to 155 lost lives a week. Why aren’t we calling this a crisis? Why aren’t our networks spending more time on such important issues like this, instead of the guilt or innocence of Casey Anthony or Amanda Knox?

This about sums it up....my friend shot this outside a Church on 16th St

Part of the impetus for The Hill and Allstate’s event last week was to support new legislation in the Senate that will require graduated licensing laws (GDL) for teens. Provisions of the Safe Teen and Novice Driver Uniform Protection (STANDUP) Act were recently added to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) Reauthorization bill in the Senate. The STANDUP Act requires minimum standards of graduated driver licensing (GDL) laws. According to Allstate, state and national evaluations of GDL programs have found crash reductions for 16- and 17-year-old drivers in the 20 percent to 40 percent range. I think if you were to ask a parent who is mourning the loss of their child from a car crash, they would support a law that would reduce crashes by even one percent.

So, why does this matter if you don’t have a child old enough to drive? I think it matters to people whose children are too young to drive because the little ones are watching and learning and repeating what we do. I regularly am surprised by what my girls, who are 3 and 6, pick up from me when it was something I’d said or done days or even weeks prior to that date. Clearly our kids are watching and noticing when we chat on our cellphones and drive or when we check our emails at red lights or respond to one quickly. And in the vein of not mocking people and then being guilty, I will admit, I do that. I tell myself it’s okay if I’m stopped at a red light. But it’s not okay because do I really think my girls are going to make that distinction when they are teens learning to drive? Do I really want to be guilty of do as I say, not as I do, when it comes to their safety? Not to mention, I take the time to purchase the safest car seat, learn how to install it properly and load them into their car seats for every trip, so why would I risk their safety by being a distracted driver?

Again, hypocritical, anyone?

I absolutely love  the idea another blogger, Meghan Leahy, proposed recently on this very same issue: she suggests we make it a family pledge to not check email, respond to email or talk on the phone in the car.  Here’s why I love this idea – because if my kids are holding me to it and they know the rules – then I am going to hold myself to it. Look, I know it was one of Oprah’s big missions last year but I don’t answer to Oprah. Continuing my confessional theme today, even the new law isn’t as likely to change my behavior as my word to my kids and their ability to call out  my infraction. And seeing as how I seem to be inadvertently raising two snitches, they will GLADLY call it to my attention.

What do you think? Care to join me in the family pledge? Finally, you can get involved by visiting facebook.com/save11 for information and resources on contacting  lawmakers, inviting family and friends to take action, and lending your voice to this vital movement. Even a few minutes on that Facebook page will send goosebumps up your body because the words from parents who have lost a teenager are chilling and sobering. I really am certain that no email or phone call is worth it.  At least none that I am receiving are….

To follow along the never-ending fun and hotly debated topics on Wired Momma, “like” the Wired Momma FB page and follow me on Twitter @Wired_Momma