Washington DC Mommy blogger

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It’s Back Home I Go

April 1, 2009

So kittens, I know I’ve been MIA lately – so here’s the news: I quit my job last week. Friday is my last day. I am really excited about the decision.

As I had indicated before, I loved every minute of maternity leave and this time, I am lucky enough that we have a choice for me to not work. We didn’t previously have that option but now we do – and it just seemed so clear to me that now is the time to seize it.

I did worry and fret some over maternity leave as I considered this as an option – why have I been working, what about my career, etc etc – but I just don’t have any of those concerns anymore. Also – frankly – for all you “pundits” out there – I don’t feel like I am “off-ramping” or somehow letting down future generations of women by stepping out – I don’t feel like I am stepping out.

I feel like I am making a decision that is best for my girls because I have the choice right now – but like a good friend recently pointed out, careers are long windy roads with many stops and starts along the way. Who knows how long I will stay home for – time will tell.

Letting go of our nanny was THE low point for me in this whole process, I hated doing it and really fretted over when to tell her. In fact, someone actually gave me a hard time about how I handled it and indicated that I did wrong by our nanny by not telling her sooner.

Because determining when to tell her was something that I really struggled with and I know I am not alone in this – I want to talk more about it and why I actually stand firm in how I handled it with our nanny.

My husband and I both decided that we needed to make a decision that is best for our kids, and it’s impossible not to worry that an employee would start taking things less seriously once they know their time is up. Also, we needed the nanny to stick around until her last day of work – and who’s to say that the nanny isn’t going to up and quit two days after you give her notice because she’s found a better, higher paying job. Call me crazy, but I am quite sure that is a common scenario. It’s a dog eat dog world out there.

So we concluded that just like corporations don’t give employees 2 and 3 month notice that they are going to be let go, we didn’t give our nanny 2 or 3 month notice that she was going to be let go. I also didn’t know that far in advance. When my current boss let me know that this coming Friday could be my last day, I then told my nanny the next morning when I saw her in person. She got one week’s notice and is getting two weeks severance and I am doing everything I can to help her line up work.

As for what happens next, who knows. Having worked in this town for 13 years, it will be strange to wake up on Monday morning and know that I won’t be getting a paycheck but it also seems very liberating. My current employer wants me to freelance and several others have indicated as much as well – so I have a hunch that I’ll keep my fingers in the pot and just have to figure out how to manage it – just like everyone else.

So stay tuned for KT’s musings on mommy-land. Frankly none of it seems real just yet.

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Motherhood, Nanny, Work

Rants

March 18, 2009

OK seriously – there is a lot to rant about. Sure, I could wax on about Bernie Madoff, his wife’s $2 million worth of jewels the government wants, or AIG and their bonuses and our populist outrage…but really, aren’t Gloria Allred and Nadya Suleman or Meghan McCain and Laura Ingraham more interesting?

Let’s start with the Octo-Mom. She continues to fascinate me. I loathe her and all the people who have hopped on her gravy-train. I caught a few minutes of the Today Show this morning and of course Gloria “Every Story that captures the nation is a case I must represent” Allred was on with David Gregory. Why does this hideous woman insert herself constantly? She is so media hungry and opportunistic – why do we give her any attention? And speaking of vultures circling her prey, how about Nadya Suleman inviting a blog TV crew into her home to record the homecoming arrival of her two babies released from the hospital?

Yet we’re supposed to believe that everything she does is for her children while she invites a dirty news crew and their cameras into her home for the world to see? Seriously?
Meanwhile we have Gloria A. on national TV asking us to give money to this Angels group that is donating time and care to Nadya because we’re supposed to believe everyone is doing this for the sake of these 8 innocent babies?

Really people?

And why those 8 babies whose mother DELIBERATELY became pregnant when she already couldn’t handle the 6 she has? Why should we give our money to them when there are millions of children in this country who also need help and whose mothers didn’t deliberately pursue another multiples pregnancy to fulfill her own psychotic needs.

Seriously.

And can someone please crack the story of Nadya’s obvious plastic surgery above her lip and how she had the money for that one? She parades herself on TV and invites the cameras in – so she’s inviting the criticism and judgement.

And then there is the cat fight between some GOP women “pundits” – over Meghan McCain and her weight – I was totally in the dark when I caught a few seconds of Meghan McCain yesterday morning telling us how she’s not fat…and guess what…she’s not…..so I read this piece in Slate mag with real interest:

http://www.slate.com/id/2213992?nav=wp

You have to admit, however, it is fun to see the republicans fighting each other because they are usually so well disciplined and only the dumb Ds expose their internal fights all over the TV. Though I’m not sure fighting over weight and age really counts – but it’s still a good read on Slate.

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Celebrities, Motherhood, Politics

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho….

March 15, 2009

It’s off to work I go.

Tommorrow is the big day. After a lovely 15 weeks of maternity leave, I return to work tomorrow. To help ease the transition for DD1, DH is taking his last week of paternity week to spend with the girls. After 4 months of full-time mommy, if we both were to up and ditch her for work, it would be like a nuclear explosion in her world. I mean, how does one explain that one to a 3-year-old?

So how do I feel about returning to work?

The emotional side of me feels a pit in my stomach and tears are welling in my eyes.

The rational side of me calmly tells myself that I know from after returning the first time, the anticipation is way worse than the reality.

The emotional side is screaming out “no no no!”

The rational side of me reminds myself that tomorrow I get to put on a pretty suit, wear awesome shoes, fun jewelry and guess what – pee when I have too and eat when I’m hungry and even cruise the web for celeb gossip, all things I haven’t done at will in 4 months.

The emotional side of me thinks about someone else taking DD1 to school (well, DH taking her) and how he’ll get to experience the joy on her face when he picks her up, not me, and I immediately feel the tears.

The rational side of me reminds myself that I’ve got sweet lunches with fun people at new restaurants already lined up…you know, a gal has to stay hip.

The emotional side of me….well, you know.

SO what’s my point? My point is the reflection on this mat leave is very different than the first time. I’m pretty sure nothing is worse than the first time. That first mat leave was rife with emotions, confusion, exhaustion and lots of loneliness.

This time, there was no time to feel lonely. Who is lonely with another kid tearing through the house? There was no confusion because, well, we knew what we were walking into, so it’s not like we were surprised. The only one capable of surprising us in the house so far is the older one. Honestly, it’s just been really fun. I’ve loved every day with the girls, I couldn’t have cared less about work, I totally checked out. Last time, I fretted about work, I kept up, I called in on some conference calls, I worried about what I ws missing. Do you think I did one of those things this time? Oh hell no……

And so the bottom line is this, DD1 is almost 3.5 years old and just about every day of the past 3.5 years has been an internal struggle for me – do I want to work, do I want to give it up, what am I missing at home, what am I missing at work? And on and on and on. I am done with that struggle.

So hi-ho, hi-ho, I go, tomorrow, to go back. For a week. Then I will throw in the towel. It will be so liberating and really nerve-wracking at the same time. I am determined to enjoy this last hurrah of looking nice, showering daily, eating great meals and toiling away behind the desk – because who knows when I’ll do it again.

These are the things I keep telling my emotional self as I think about waving goodbye tomorrow morning to the sweet faces and pulling out of the driveway.

Kids sure do make everything confusing, don’t they?

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Motherhood, Uncategorized, Work

Delivery

March 2, 2009

I know I am three months late in posting on this subject but really – it’s always a timely subject – delivery. I’ve now experienced both ways – a vaginal delivery with my first and a c-section with my second. The OB learned that I have a very narrow pelvic bone during my first delivery. With my second, I went full-term vs. 36 weeks with my first, and so conventional wisdom would suggest the second child was going to be bigger. Therefore, getting her out the old fashioned way was not only likely to take a lot longer but posed potential serious harm to the baby – her shoulder could get damaged and beyond repair. So, I elected to have a c because I didn’t want to risk harm to a shoulder that was presumably unharmed in the womb.

It turned out to be the right choice, the second OB confirmed I would not have gotten second baby out the old fashioned way due to very narrow pelvic bone and second child was almost 9 pounds and angled funny inside – the doc said she had to “wrestle” her out of me. Sweet. It felt awesome.

OK – so the subject at hand, from only my personal perspective is – vag vs. c – which one wins?

In my book – HANDS DOWN – it’s the old fashioned way. I went into the C not really thinking about it – I just didn’t think it was a big deal, I thought pushing for three hours was horrible. Well, I’d take pushing for three hours over a C any day because once that kiddo is out – you are done. Sure, you need an ice pack on your sore vag and you cling to it for dear life – but still, you are up and about on your own shortly after.

I was alarmed to find the C to be painful, scary and it seemed to last an eternity. I was even more alarmed to experience the pain thereafter, the horror of having a catheter in for 24 hours, those hideous compression things on your legs for 24 hours, and the difficulty in walking one block four days later. Keep in mind, I went into it in pretty good physical shape, having done a 6am body sculpting class until 8 months and cardio the entire pregnancy.

Now, this is my own personal experience and the doctors did suspect that my epidural wasn’t “fully effective” and it has been three years since I delivered vaginally and we know the memory fades – but I still think the C was horrible and unexpectedly painful and the recovery much much worse than vaginal delivery. I completely underestimated it, is the bottom line.

So there you have it kittens, KT’s view on C vs. vag…..vag it up girls, if you can.

Signed,

KT, “MD”

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Motherhood