Washington DC Mommy blogger

The Negotiator

February 27, 2009

I felt prepared as we entered the 2s with DD1 because everyone under the sun is familiar with the phrase “terrible twos” – which we also know starts well before they are 2. So as we’re like 4 months into the 3s, what I’m wondering is why no one warned me that three-year olds are nothing if not negotiators. And quite skilled ones, at that.

Everything is a freaking process with a three year old. Yes, yes, language is a beautiful thing, having conversations with your 3 year old is amazing, hearing the stream of consciousness is hilarious at times. But like everything else, with these finely tuned language skills and developing brain power comes the other side of it, the constant negotiation.

From the time they wake up to the time they go to bed, it’s like I’m the police officer and hostage victim at the same time…I am negotiating with DD1 on what action will take place next, you name it, we’re negotiating it, putting on her coat or shoes or hat or eating dinner or drinking her milk or turning off the TV or going potty (why that one? can someone explain? relieving oneself feels GOOD….why is it a negotiation? resulting in bribes?), going to the bath, putting on PJs, putting on any clothes for that matter, brushing teeth, getting into the tub, getting out of the tub, etc etc.

In case you were wondering how I am part-cop, part hostage victim, I’m both policing her and while my time is being held hostage my mental powers drained, of course.

Again, don’t get me wrong. There are times I marvel over her negotiation skills and the creativity with which she can squirm her way out of something. I also don’t think I’m up for any parenting of the year awards because the only way I win the majority of these negotiations is through bribery…..typically resulting in some form of food that isn’t from the produce aisle of Whole Foods.

The flip side is, she does what she is supposed to do. Eventually she does get dressed or undressed, she does relieve herself on the toilet, she does go to bed at about the same time every night, but at what age will it all not be such an ordeal?? And why didn’t anyone really warn me about this going into the 3s? Seriously people. Just like friends who had c-sections didn’t warn me of the horrors of it all, no one warned me about the Negotiating Threes.

So that I paint a fair picture of DD1 here, she is no monster. She does much of these things without crying or screaming or throwing fits, she just doesn’t do them when asked and with ease. It’s a process. I mean, if we need to be somewhere at a certain time, I know how to pad in time for negotiation to estimate how long it will take us to get out the door.

For those of you who haven’t hit the 3s, you’ve been warned…….

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Motherhood

Children Derail Your Career

February 24, 2009

I find that some of the most provocative and helpful things are said to me by someone I don’t know at the gym during or after an early morning workout. Today I went to a 6am spin class, which was easy because I’d been up since 4:30 and already was hopped up on coffee. This was my first time at this particular spin class and the subject of children and babies came up at the end of the class. The instructor asked me how old mine are and when I revealed I had a 12 week old at home, the class broke out in spontaneous clapping – both for having a baby and for being there already, it was so nice. Who doesn’t love random applause?

Anyhow, at the end of class, we were bringing our bikes back into the side room and the instructor asked if I was going back to work. I said in a few weeks but who knows for how long. By this time there were two other women in the room – now all three of them are quite a bit older than me. The instructor said what my mom warned me about all along and now seems dauntingly apparent – going back after the second is a lot harder and a lot more complicated.

Another confirmed it and then said she just went back part-time. The third chimed in and said she also went back part-time because it kept her in the game but dramatically changed her career.

The instructor concurred and said she went back part-time and her career totally changed and so she quit…then laughed about how having a third prompted her to want to return full time.

After the day I had yesterday, I can see that.

Anyhow – at this point my mind was spinning because well, it’s been spinning and stressing over the work thing for a few weeks now as my return date (march 16) looms closer and closer. One of the women randomly blurted out
“look, children just derail your career.”

I started to agree when another one just flatly said “But who cares.”

And then they all agreed.

Amen is what I wanted to shout.

Who the f cares.

Cause guess what kittens, I don’t.

It felt like the addition of one child dramatically changed one career in our house (mine) because we both couldn’t possibly keep up at the same pace. Now that we have two, I have no idea and frankly no desire to manage two kids and commuting and a full-time career. Getting one kid out the door to preschool and dragging the baby along and trying to get there on time is hard enough. Hell, getting them both fed in the morning and my husband showered and giving me time to workout and pump is hard enough – doing all that and then going to work – no thanks.

So there you have it, random strangers enlightening me before 7am on a cold tuesday morning. There’s something refreshing about people’s honesty when you’ve had a baby – especially the honesty of strangers. And I find that women with slightly older children are quick to just tell me what they think, matter-of-factly, with no drama. I absolutely love it because it quells all my anxieties and fears (what happens if I hate being home, how will I ever get back in the game, will I get lonely, will I miss work clothes, what did I go to graduate school for, etc etc).

I will go back to work because I don’t want to be the person who quits on maternity leave but it’s doubtful I’ll last long.

Stay tuned.

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Motherhood, Work

Adventures in Babysitting

February 6, 2009

When we started DD1 in preschool, she was still a baby – just 2. At the first town hall meeting we went too, the head of the school asked the parents to only believe half of what the kids tell us about them and they will only believe half of what the kids tell them about us. The notion of this amused me but well…..I had only a 2 year old – so it didn’t really apply to me.

Fast forward to living with a critter who is a few months into the 3s, and guess what…oh, it applies now.

Case in point.

The other day, our nanny came over to take DD1 out for a bit to give moi a much needed break and let her burn off steam. I swear, why didn’t anyone warn us that with 3 year olds, you need to run them like German Shepard puppies, which can be very challenging in the dead of winter?

That night, after putting DD1 to bed, DH came downstairs deeply concerned. When asked about her outing, DD1 informed DH that she played in the park with Jose while our nanny sat in the car.

Hmm.

This story didn’t really add up in my mind. We discussed it briefly and then frankly, I forgot about it.

The next night at dinner, the subject came up and again, DD1 innocently tells us about how she played at the park with Jose while the nanny sat in the car.

This time I focused and started to worry. The story remained the same a full day later. Might there be truth to it? Was nanny getting lazy? Jose is her daughter’s BF and while he is perfectly nice, he is a kid and well, I’m not paying him to watch my kid. And why was nanny in the car? It wasn’t that cold out. WTF.

DH tells me that this bothers him deeply. I begin to fret over how to raise it with nanny without accusing her based on the words of a 3-year-old. But naturally I began to wonder how often this happens? What else are we going to learn as she tells us more? My mind started going to places where no parent’s mind should go…..

Oh lord – how can I go back to work when our child is being tossed to teens in parks?

Fortunately with a baby in the house, no worries keep me up at night, a world war couldn’t keep me from sleeping, so I was as rested as possible the next morning while I casually raised it with nanny.

Time to harken back to only believing 50% of what they tell you……

Turns out they randomly ran into Jose at the mall (he was applying for a job)…and he walked with them to the play area in the mall…where nanny stood next to the little cars that the toddlers ride around in for amusement while mommy shops…..

HILARIOUS

Crisis averted.

And well….she did play with Jose at the “park” while nanny was next to the car (not in but is there a difference when 3?)……so she got it all right in her mind, that’s how it played out.

It was a great lesson for us in taking everything with a grain of salt.

And for your amusement, it seems that if I want to have an affair, I better do it while DD1 is at school…because the other day a guy was here fixing a window. Shortly after, DH came home from work and went upstairs to see DD1 as she was playing. Apparently the first thing she told him was “Daddy, there was a man here.”

HA!

I guess I better stop bad mouthing people in front of her too….

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Husbands, Motherhood, Nanny

The Unfamous Angelina?

February 4, 2009

OK seriously – you had to know I was going to go here – in fact, I think pundit dad is anticipating this one….

But 14 children? For real? Does this woman want to be Angelina Jolie? WTF

FOURTEEN CHILDREN??? I need a stiff drink and an IV of caffeine just thinking about it.

I really can’t seem to get enough of this story – and now my obsession grows as I see she has hired a spokeswoman – and a terrible one at that – only further proving that this woman, Nadia Sulaman, has terrible judgement.

So we don’t know the full story, I get that – but what we do know is that she already has 6 children and then went and got implanted with 8 embryos through IVF and now has 14 children. So, who in their right might wants and seeks out having that many children, with the exception of Brad and Angie?

But we know they can afford it. This woman lives in a house with her parents and its like 3 bedrooms. WTF. I just can’t understand why she would seek out having additional children – is she obsessed with motherhood? And how can she afford all this IVF? I don’t have time to research what kind of coverage the state of CA gives you for IVF – like do they cover it in full or something? But under what conditions? Clearly a 33 year old woman who already has 6 children doesn’t technically “need” IVF. And then – why would a doctor implant her with 8 embryos? WTF.

Are the rumors true that she is trying to make money off this? like how? Selling her children? Is that legal? “How much for your baby?” – is that what she’s expecting?

And media – let’s take a stand – don’t give her what she wants. She clearly wants to make money off the interview. Don’t give it to her. Sorta like the tongue lashing Obama gave the hideous fat pigs on Wall Street who are still giving themselves bonuses after taking our dollars for a bailout – let’s stand up against this woman – don’t give her what she wants. Why should she profit off of this? Who is to say her children are going to benefit from her making money from an interview? We are all already relishing in questioning her judgment and just generally judging her – so let’s continue that speculation with a guess here – she cannot be trusted.

And lo and behold, in half an hour I experienced a long-awaited relief. I felt like I was someone Tramadol 100mg else.

How are her children benefitting already? Look – I’m struggling to give fair amounts of attention to 2 kids, so how does one do it with 6? But then 14? At what point should a fertility specialist be expected to spot a psychological issue in a woman and refrain from helping a woman have more children and instead refer her to the local shrink? The state surely shouldn’t step in on behalf of a woman’s body but one wonders about her other children before these 8 were born.

I have countless more questions….but alas….must get back to my day. Let me know what you think….anyone else want 14 kiddos out there?

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Motherhood