Washington DC Mommy blogger

Toddler Tantrums, part 2,431.431

April 14, 2008

Ahh kittens…..

How many times have we discussed the wily and inappropriate behavior of the toddler set already here on KT? Probably not enough. Or maybe I just haven’t gotten enough words of wisdom from those of you who have been there, done that, but in the daily struggle to show who’s the boss chez moi, the only thing I know for certain on any given day is that, well, it’s not my darling husband. Whether it’s me or DD, just depends on the day.

I always wondered when I would know my child was ready for time-outs. How would I know she’s old enough to understand? How would I know when the behavior was egregious enough to warrant a time out, I worried?

Fret not, is the answer, when the time comes, it is abundantly clear. A few weeks ago, my DD spontaneously landed in time-out. I certainly didn’t wake up that day knowing that it was the day, and I certainly didn’t come home from work, anticipating this would be the outcome, but well, it was. A word of caution – if you haven’t yet instituted a time-out in your house – you might plan ahead and know WHERE the time-out chair is before you cast your child off to a time-out.

Otherwise you’ll be like me – all brooding and serious and Ms. Disciplinarian, secretly thinking “Shit, where the hell am I going to put her?”

Though a split second decision, the bottom stair in our hallway seemed just as good a place as any to me. I’ve seen enough Super Nanny episodes to know the time-outs can’t take place in an interesting spot. So really, what’s interesting about a boring empty hallway?

A few weeks have passed and DD has only landed in time-out a handful of times. I don’t believe in abusing this disciplinarian tactic. I figured, less is more and she’ll come to realize that when she’s there, it’s for a very real and serious reason.

Frankly, what she quickly surmised is that to cry and say in her sweetest voice “I’m sorry mommy” as she hugs me, is one way to get off the bottom stair pretty quickly.

All is not lost, though, because until Saturday night, the time-outs were abruptly stopping the offensive behavior. After one time in time-out, that particular behavior – hasn’t resurfaced since. Of course, variations of it have taken shape and well, for the enterprising young toddler, there’s always some other trouble rounding the corner, so it’s not like my work here is any where near done. A toddler is to trouble what Angie Jolie is to babies….apparently there is never enough…..

What I didn’t expect was how quickly, after just a few times using this technique, my daughter would mock it. Recall – she’s just 2.5 years old in a month.

Saturday night she found herself in time-out before her bath. I’d been going back and forth in my mind over handling the bad behavior right around bath time. I know she’s acting out because she’s tired and just wants to go to bed, so I’d been trying to manage it as best I could without letting the situation escalate to a time-out. By Saturday night, I concluded that swift action, no matter how tired said child might be, was the only way to nip the pre-bath tantrums.

So off to our time-out spot on the bottom stair we went.

And you know what happened?
She gave me a long, cold, hard stare, walked up two more stairs, and put her back to me, then turned around and smirked at me – like “You put me in time-out? Is that really the best you can do? Because I raise you one time-out with two stairs and mocking you!”

Again. She’s barely 2.5 years old.

What in the world is coming my way in the future?

So kind of like that spontaneous moment a few weeks ago when I declared time-out for the first time and then wondered where in the hell I was going to put her, this time I found myself wondering – well what the hell am I going to do now that she’s mocking her punishment? Clearly this one isn’t working.

The outcome was this – no stories and music before bed time – just bed time. It felt awful to end the day with her like that, crying her eyes out in her crib, apologizing, but what is a gal to do? It seems that we’ve reached the point where taking away something that she enjoys is the real way to punish her. Though now I have a greater appreciation that our parents might actually have meant it when they used to tell us that the punishment hurt them more than us.

I did assure her that I love her and if she’s good the next night during bath time, then we will read stories together again.

For those of you at the edge of your seat, she was good last night and we revitalized story time.

The question is – what’s next? Is it too early in parenthood for me to be running out of tricks and being outwitted by my child? I think so….

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Husbands, Motherhood

When You Grow Up

April 9, 2008

Many of us spend much of our younger years sweating over what we’re going to do or be when we grow up. It’s all focused on our work. As if our work is a testament to our life and who we are as a person. I often wonder if this is a very American thing. When children in France or Italy are growing up, are they sweating over what they’re going to be? Do they have crises in college if they haven’t yet declared a major? Are they panicking when they graduate if they don’t know how their major will apply to their work?

And what does this say about us, that we put so much weight into our identity associated with our work?

Regardless of what it says, I think this is such a big reason why I, and many KT BFFs have had such an identity crisis since becoming moms. All of a sudden, work matters a whole lot less. That’s not to say we don’t take pride in our work but what used to seem so important and life shattering seems to pale in comparison to the importance of raising a child and teaching them to be a good person. After years of being identified with what we’ve accomplished professionally, suddenly it comes to a screeching halt and we are most consumed with what we’re accomplishing personally…this job that never ends….raising this little one.

A KT friend just emailed me and told me about this fabulous luncheon she had yesterday with Dee Dee Myers and many other professional women. Dee Dee Myers is personal working hero of mine considering she was the first female White House press secretary…and for Clinton, nonetheless. She has a new book out “Why Women Should Rule The World” and I saw her on Colbert and knew I had to have this book. I mean, doesn’t that title say enough?

Anyhow, apparently one of the women at this luncheon made a comment that really struck me – even though I wasn’t in the room. She said:

“We (women) are told that we need to grow up, go to college and get a good job. But then once we have children, no one tells us what to do after that.”

Amen sister. Let me add to that and say – we are met with criticism and constant media banter and judgement over whatever it is we do decide to do after that – working too much? putting your child in childcare too early? not working and disappointing future generations of women? Need I go on?

I guess my job is to teach my daughter that when she grows up, the whole picture matters, not just the financial and professional one. Beyond that, all I can say is I plan to read Dee Dee’s book.

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Motherhood, Work

Potty Training…it’s a jungle out there

April 7, 2008

For those of you who have experienced the peaks and valleys of potty training a toddler, you know it is a world rife with drama, unpredictability and surprises.

One of the biggest surprises for me, personally, is that it seems they don’t actually pee as much as you think they do. Recall all those crazy amounts of diapers you were changing when your little one was a baby? I think it’s a branding thing – you never really realize how much that changes as they age until you start potty training and realizing – they pee less than we do – you’re just still caught up in what they were like as babies.

But see, potty training is not for the weak at heart. As you might guess, the little ones, though not peeing as frequently as one would think, do not have the ability to just – well – hold it. So with the beautiful new world of not needing diapers comes a deep fear and anxiety over – what’s going to happen if/when they have to pee somewhere and we aren’t anywhere near a toilet?

And so, you venture off on each new trip on a wing and a prayer, hoping for the best, dreading the worst, praying that you did really remember to pack an extra pair of pants and socks and underware before you dashed out the door with said toddler.

One of the most hilarious stories I’ve heard recently about potty training is from a friend whose daughter also attends my DD’s school. They were busy shopping at Buy Buy Baby one weekend at the onset of potty training, my friend turned her head for one second, only to look back and realize her DD whipped down her pants, sat down on one of the training potties in BBB and was peeing in that potty.

OK – HILARIOUS. This is one of the things I love most about little ones – they are so literal. There is a potty, I have to go pee pee, ok then – perfect! No filter. Just all practicality. Everything is black and white to them. Love it.

On the flip side of less successful potty training stories, I will tell you what happened to us this weekend. My DD has been potty trained since January and despite my anxiety, we really haven’t had any accidents…until…..Saturday.

Enter a child just recovering from being sick…on top of missing her morning nap….on top of being totally preoccupied. See – when the toddler gets distracted and busy doing something totally fun and exciting – they do not have time to worry about going potty, eating, or drinking. If only I could get this consumed with something other than shoes or celebrity gossip.

Anyhow – we had to take DD to get special sneakers and inserts to correct her foot-turning in/tumbling a lot issue. We left the shoe store and went into a toy store very quickly for a birthday present. DD was in her brand new practical (and boring) white $80 tennis shoes not five full minutes, I was paying at the registered, glanced up at DD and noticed “the stance.”

In other words – she was one step away from putting her hands over her crotch like little kids are prone to doing. My stomach filled with dread and then my husband made eye contact with me – in a look of horror – as we both realized that DD has just peed all through her pants, her brand new shoes and on the carpet of this toy store.

He looked at me frozen in time. He was a man immobilized.

Me, being an action-oriented kind of gal, I mouthed “Get out of here! Go to my car!”

And he swooped her up and literally ran out without a look back.

I stood there, feeling so relieved that no one in the store could identify me as the parent to the child who was so busy playing trains that she completely pissed all over the place.

This was new territory to me.
Do I tell the store that my child just urinated everywhere like a zoo animal?

Or do I run out after I sign the credit card receipt – just as quickly as my husband did, after quickly noticing that said carpet is very absorbent and a dark shade anyway – so no one would even notice unless they stood in that spot barefoot?

You decide what I did.

And kittens – don’t ever say I didn’t warn you – it’s a jungle out there with potty training.

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Motherhood, Uncategorized

Happy Birthday To Me

March 31, 2008

Hello Kittens –

I’m so sorry that I’ve been MIA the past week or so. Work has been eating up all my time, sadly. But today is my birthday…and though I don’t look a day over 23, I’m 33 today. I like this number, I feel good about this number. It has a good ring to it. Good things will happen in this 33rd year. But, really, the best way for me to start off a new year is to have a few rants. I mean – what gal doesn’t feel better when she gets a few things off her chest?

With that, I would first like to complain about the DVR. I believe the DVR is ruining my life.

Why? You ask.

Well, let me tell you.

As you know if you are blessed (and cursed) with this technology in your home, if you just tuned out, you can rewind.

Get caught up in your thoughts, debating the pros and cons of a skinny cow vs. quart of ben and jerry’s for dessert? Then realize you missed a few crucial minutes of “Lost” – ok, then, rewind.

Get caught up reading “Star” or “In Touch” – rewind, fast forward, whatever you want, you can control what you know when your mind wanders into the deep territories of food, celeb gossip and spring fashion, as mine does.

Always a deep thought going on here in KT.

But see, the trouble is, you can’t rewind or pause anything else in your life, as I’ve learned.

So suddenly you realize your husband is 15 minutes into telling you something really important about his day and while your important thoughts on “did i really put enough cheese on top of that burrito? and do we have enough in case i want more?” – are also valid – well – you can’t pause or rewind your husband.

Or better yet, fast forward to the end bit about work and get back to important matters.

HA!

So this plays out in my life frequently, it seems. I can’t rewind a work convo, I can’t rewind the radio, I can’t pause, I am just, well, screwed.

And I blame the DVR. The DVR is enhancing my adult ADD. What is a gal to do?

Fortunately, nodding reassuringly along with a few “Oh, definitely” and “absolutely you should be fired up about that” have helped me skate through thus far. But things aren’t looking good…we all know I’m not getting any younger…and my DVR isn’t going anywhere….so this predicament is bound to just get worse. I really can’t be held responsible for it. I blame the DVR.

My second rant is against sidewalks in Washington, DC. Perhaps all over this country. I am most familiar with sidewalks in Washington DC.

I think it’s time for some women to get involved in the planning and execution of the cracks between sidewalks because no one who has ever worn a kitten heel has ever built a DC sidewalk. If they had, they would know that the cracks are just wide enough for your beautiful kitten heel to get caught and torn up. Not to mention the embarrassment of getting caught and trying to walk forward and not going anywhere.

Do I smell a conspiracy?

Are the urban planners in bed with the shoe repairmen in this town?

Is it another example of the Bush administration trying to keep women down and certainly dowdy in practical pumps?

Can I get more of a tax rebate to cover the expense of getting my shoes fixed..or better yet..having to replace them because I look like a poor kid who just graduated from college walking into the office with ripped up heels? What gives, sidewalk maker? Cut a gal a break.

And finally, I am not really ranting against my DD, I am almost proud, though tired. My DD is almost 2.5 years old and her communication skills continue to expand and improve daily. We all know this is a double edged sword. Take, for instance, our doctor’s visit on Friday.

Doctor enters the room, DD immediately tells him she has an owee. He asks her where and she says “Ears.”

I was quite pleased. It was the first time she had communicated so clearly to a doctor what was wrong with her. And it turns out, it was her first ear infection. Fast forward 20 minutes later to the enormous tantrum in the foyer of the doctor’s office and the nurse who ends up helping me because my child refuses to leave or put her coat on. At this moment, why can’t I use the DVR to fast forward my life?

Then progress to the 20 minutes in the parking lot of her telling me she is “not” getting to the “Carseat” because she “wants to sit only on mommy’s lap.”

I mean, I get it. Everyone wants to be close to me but I’m a law abiding citizen, not Britney, so into the car seat she eventually went. Meanwhile I aged 10 years and the parking lot attendant didn’t charge me for parking out of pity, trust me, I could see it in his eyes.

Then came our entrance to the CVS parking lot 15 minutes later. My dread of having to get her out of the carseat to get the prescription to only have to load her back in after the ordeal we just went through only escalated when I opened her car door and she looked at me and said very steadily “I’m not going anywhere.”

Secretly, I loved it. I mean – who does this kid think she is and god love her sass. At least I don’t have some lame door mat of a kid.

But she sure as hell isn’t making anything easy along the way.

With that kittens, I won’t make you wait so long to hear from me again, and please, send all the rest of my gifts to my home, it’s so much trouble having to make so many trips to my car today.

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Fashion, Husbands, Motherhood