Washington DC Mommy blogger

Open Letter to the Networks

July 10, 2009

If I had gobs of money like that strange Texas oilman who is always running energy ads, I would take out an open letter ad in the major papers and run ads on TV – mocking the networks for their “journalism” and pleading with them to stop.

Stop the madness.

Stop the absurd round-the-clock coverage.

MJ is dead. He was not super human. He did not walk on water. He didn’t solve the Middle East crisis or cure cancer. He hasn’t even really done anything remarkable or noteworthy beyond allegedly being a pedophile in what – like 15 years.

Let it go, people. He was a man. He impacted popular culture, he was a leader in making super cool music videos back in the day, he had some great songs. Then he got weird. And guess sleeping aids what, it’s sad that he died and all – but seriously – seriously. Stop. Stop with the incessant coverage. Stop with the obsession over what will happen to his children. What about all the children who are left without a father every day – and guess what – they aren’t inheriting millions and might not even have big families to take them in? Let’s give them some attention instead of the children of a pop icon.

And how about all the news that is actually news-worthy out there that we aren’t getting because of the obsession with MJ. I keep wondering – is anyone beyond the network news and their web sites – as interested in the story? Is there a story? He died. Let’s move on.

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Celebrities

Feeding Time at the Zoo

July 8, 2009

Ahh kittens, gather round, for today’s topic will hit home for all of you – whether you are a first time preggo or mom of 14 (and if you have more than 4 kids, we’re also staring at you and judging you, FYI). All you have to be or have been at some point in your life, is a showing preggo, to know what I’m going to gab about today……the preggo zoo.

That’s right. The public’s right to mercilessly stare and comment on the comings, goings, growing size, and general demeanour and “glow” of a preggo. It’s like freaking feeding time at the zoo, being a showing preggo, now isn’t it?

We have gabbed on this one here before but does this topic ever get old? Have you really forgotten how pissed off you used to be as a preggo when people would gape as if you were a circus freak with 5 heads and a big goiter?

I mean really.

But see, the truth is, when I’m not preggo, I totally stare too.

A KT BFF started this yesterday when she emailed in from the Boston airport all pissed off and sick and tired of people staring at her cute preggo self. She’s pretty. She knows they are looking because she’s a good looking preggo – as we all are/were – but still – it doesn’t make it less annoying. She’s not being carried through the freaking airport like Cleopatra on her chariot with her Roman man slaves jogging along side – so why the staring?

I know why I stare, do you know why you stare?

I stare for the following reasons:

I wonder how far along she is. I wonder if she’s having a boy or a girl. I wonder if she is a clueless first time mom and has any idea what kind of ordeal she is getting herself into, or if she’s an old hat and well, she’s just glad to have a break from the other kid and quietly read a magazine.

Usually I can tell by the bags under her eyes if she’s already got another kid at home.

The truth is, my staring is usually pretty innocuous. I generally am not judging her size, or checking to see if her hands are so swollen that she can’t jam her ring on her finger anymore. If she is wearing something really hideous, odds are I am judging her for that and wondering why she couldn’t have tried a little harder. But for the most party, my stares are with good intent.

But here’s the rub, I”m still staring and well, for anyone who knows me, I’m not subtle in my stares.

And having recently been a preggo, the truth is, no one is subtle in their stares.

Preggos are fascinating to stare at for many reasons – whether it is acceptable to do so or not. Look, plenty of people stare at me and the girls as we are trying to get someplace and if it’s annoying at me – I just glare at them like I’m going to come kill them and their family next….sometimes I even mouth in venom “I know where you live, mother f’er” – so I think that with parenthood, comes staring, like it or not. We all get stared at.

It’s the comments that are really unacceptable. And NO ONE really dares comment to a mother trying to wrestle one of her twerps some place, but plenty of people comment to a preggo.

I think they believe they can make a comment to a preggo because they assume with the pending birth of a child and motherhood, you are nice and sweet and nurturing and want to be talked too. The truth is, I was more bitchy and obnoxious as a preggo than I am now, so I let plenty of people and their dumb comments, have it.

The problem here is this – I am preaching to the choir. You all know how it enrages you to be told “You have gotten so much bigger from the last time I saw you” or worse, as a second time preggo “Wow, girl, you look like you are ready any day” – when the truth is you have 8 weeks left. That particular one really chapped my ass.

So what can we do? We can never comment to a preggo beyond “You look adorable” or “I love your outfit” and we can try to be as subtle as possible with our stares…..right, kittens?

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Motherhood, Pregnancy

Sibling Torture

July 7, 2009

DD2 is now fully sitting up on her own and is probably days away from crawling (which for those of you who know me – know that I dread. I firmly believe mobility is grossly over rated). Yesterday I was out for a late afternoon walk with the kiddos (read: the only way to survive pre-dinner time) when I noticed something happening in the stroller.

And what I’m asking you is this – is it wrong that I took nothing but sheer and total pleasure from it?

What was it, you asked?

A hot italian man suddenly landed in my stroller?

Dinner arrived, cooked and hot, ready to eat?

A maid service swooped in to scrub my house from top to bottom?

Someone did the endless loads of laundry chez moi?

Mais non!

It was even better than someone finally finding the perfect swimsuit cover-up for me – stylish but functional – and not long sleeves. Why do people make long sleeve swimsuit cover ups? Where are they swimming?

It wasn’t any of those things. Though I am quite open to any of those things arriving chez moi this afternoon. I’ll leave the stroller parked out front just in case.

Here is what was actually happening: It was the first time DD2 was irritating the shit out of DD1. And I LOVED IT.

Is that wrong?

I mean – I was ready to do a jig. Afterall, DD1 has gotten quite good at being, well, irritating, when she wants to be – so to watch her little sister just be irritating to her (and not me – no one was irritating me for once) – was oh so satisfying.

See, DD2 now likes to remain perched up in her super cool new sitting position in the stroller and being a second child, she’s more like Bam Bam than Pebbles. She learned early on that a gal has to be assertive and forceful to get what she wants when there is someone older and more advanced in her motor skills around – so DD2 – she doesn’t just lounge back in the stroller. Plus she intuitively knows that whatever DD1 has is more interesting or more delicious to eat – so she tries to get it.

DD2 spent the entire 20 minute walk trying to yank the baggie of treats out of DD1’s hands, trying to rip the sippy cup from her hands and trying to gnaw on the enormous book DD1 brought along to read (yes, definitely a strange choice on DD1’s part, but who am I to discourage reading? Even when the book is the size of the stroller seat).

For once, DD1 was on the defensive and was being irritated. Now, I will hand it to her, she was extremely patient with her and didn’t act out. I realize this will grow old, DD1 will start reacting, DD2 will get hurt, it will all end badly, and I won’t have the time or chance to be so amused at these antics anymore.

But for once, it was so fun watching someone else irritate DD1. She has earned it, that is for sure, and really – seeing as how I have two little sisters – what good are little sisters if they aren’t good at irritating big sisters?

And why have two kids if you can’t take pleasure in watching one child irritate the child who is usually doing the irritating?

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Life with 2 kids, Motherhood

Broken Record

July 6, 2009

Loyal KT fans know that I cautiously blogged about DD1’s behavior improving a few months ago. We progressed from every mundane task throughout the day being a huge battle filled with drama and fits, to her becoming agreeable and well, civilized. It felt so good. I worried it wouldn’t last. I conferred with a dear BFF, she said that it was fair for me to believe things had improved but that we could regress somewhere in the 3s.

Seven months into the 3s, we have regressed.

I am tired.

Of course I wrack my brain for reasons, has she regressed because school’s out for summer, so there isn’t as much structure to her day, let alone the outlet of school and crafts and friends? Has she regressed because I am home more – of course I find myself wondering? Has she regressed because she was away from daddy for a few days and she wanted his attention and chose to act like a devil, to try and get it? Is it a combination of things? Will I ever know?

No.

The only thing I am certain of right now – as I type this completely exhausted and out of patience – is that I will never know why she’s regressed. And also, it’s not as bad as her 2s behavior because the battle isn’t over every single mundane task – it’s just over some things. It’s challenging because she is more forceful in her protests than she was at 2, she is more sophisticated in her arguments, but still, she will not prevail.

But see, it’s the broken record that has joined us in these battles that is really catching me off guard. Example – she is done with dinner and wants to go outside to eat her popsicle on the front step (that is, if she’s been good enough to earn that popsicle on that day). She knows she needs to wait for mommy and daddy to be done with dinner before she can go outside. She is welcome to eat her popsicle at the table while we finish and eat the rest out front. But no – she is going to wait to eat it until she can go outside.

So here is what happens:

“Are you done yet? Daddy are you done yet”

“No”

One second later, “are you done yet? Mommy are you done”

“Not yet”

Milliseconds later “are you done yet? are you done yet? are you done yet? are you done dinner yet? are you done yet?”

I say “DD1, what did you say, I’m pretty sure we didn’t hear you the first time”

“Are you done yet, are you done yet, are you done with dinner yet”

We are done. Not because we actually are done but because we can’t take it anymore.

OR phone manners. I am trying to teach her that if mommy is having a conversation with someone, she needs to say “Excuse me” if she feels it is important to interrupt (note, it is ALWAYS important to interrupt when you are 3, apparently).

OK – well – what do you do when they say “excuse me” repeatedly over and over and over and over again, as you instructed them too – basically until you give up and stop the conversation?

She’s doing what I asked. She just won’t stop until she gets what she wants.

My mom tells me that this particular example is one that goes on for years – it’s really about instant gratification. But it is exhausting.

Or take this morning, time to go to camp (thank god – another week of camp).

“OK, time to leave for camp”

“I don’t want to go to camp. I don’t want to go to camp. I don’t want to go to camp. I don’t want to go to camp.”

“Ok, turn off the tv,” I say, as I am gathering her stuff and DD2 to take DD1 to camp. She turns off the TV only because she thinks my “OK” means she doesn’t have to go to camp, we move to the door and from the time I close and lock the door, to the time I load up two kids and pull out of my driveway and then make it to the light to exit my neighborhood, this is what she says non-stop:

“I don’t want to go to camp, I don’t want to go to camp, I don’t want to go to camp, I don’t want to go to camp.”

To humor myself, a few times I actually say to her “Seriously, I definitely didn’t hear you the first time, could you say it again, I don’t know what you are saying.”

Then guess what? We pull into the parking lot at school and this is the reaction “I LOVE SCHOOL!”

I forgot to strap myself in for the emotional roller coaster ride that would be my attempt to get to camp, apparently.

Is 9am too early to start drinking? Will alcohol numb my senses? Will it make me go deaf? Can someone send me some ear plugs?

How in the world do I stop the broken record?

Did anyone warn me that parenthood just keeps getting harder and harder and harder as they get older?

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Motherhood, Toddler Antics