Emailing at O’Dark Thirty

Look – don’t pretend like you’ve never done this. And if you haven’t, I bet you’ve thought about it. And if you’ve seriously never found yourself in this position – then that annoys me.

Are we all familiar with the enraged email that you bang out – usually to your spouse – at o’dark thirty? When you know that you probably shouldn’t be sending it and you know it definitely isn’t productive – and odds are it might not even be his fault – but really – he’s the one who got you pregnant and it’s therefore it’s his kid that has you up at that time- and he’s not there to help you deal – so really – isn’t it oh so cathartic?

It just  might be oh so wrong.

But it feels just so right.

And frankly – very little feels right at 4am. When you’ve been up for an hour already. And you don’t know when it’ll end but you know the sun comes up around 5:30am, therefore DD1 (who is also the child of said male you are sending threatening emails too, therefore it’s his fault) will be up – so really – your day began at 3am.

So why send the threatening email at o’dark thirty?

Why the hell not. KT might have found herself doing such a thing on Tuesday morning. I was all by my lonesome. This was the second hard night I’d had in a row with DD2, it was absurd that she had been up since 3am.Meanwhile DH was peacefully sawing logs back at home, with nary a care in the world, and an empty house facing him when he arose that morning. He could take his time, slumber around, do whatever the f he wanted before going to work, when he woke up.

But me? Oh hell no.

So is sending the threatening “get your ass to work early so that you can get home at a decent time and give me help or you are dead f’ing meat because I’ve already been up for an hour and it’s f’ing 4am” email a good idea?  I’m thinking YES because it just feels great to bang that out. Now doesn’t it?

Haven’t you done something similar?

I know that I cannot be alone in this, kittens. Fess up.

But see – this brings up another topic. The threat built into the email. Even if you haven’t sent your DH a threatening email at 4am, admit that you’ve sent him a threatening email. And the thing is, I really have found that when they know we really mean it, we finally get some action. Why do they respond to threats or yelling? Cause I know we don’t want to hear threats and yelling coming out of our mouths (well, actually, frankly, threats at 4am when I know he is sleeping elsewhere is exactly what I want to hear).

But seriously.

Example – yesterday DH left his office and got home by 4:30pm.

FOUR THIRTY.

Granted he read that email bright and early and actually went to work at 6am. But still. 4:30. It was like a christmas miracle. And it just teaches me that threats work.

Another example – we bought these beautiful number tiles in Provence in June 2007 (back when we had only one kid and we were in France. Alone. Without her. In other words, the glory days of June 2007).  Now, until 2 weeks ago, do you think those beautiful house tiles, that DH himself picked out, had been hung? Mais non! They had been pushed around and the topic of countless discussions and nagging sessions for TWO YEARS.

Well, I woke up with a real bee in my bonnet that morning and really laid into him. And you know what? Those tiles were hung that very day – he just quietly got to work and got it done (in like an hour, I might add, so if you count up all the time I’ve asked, pleaded, begged, nagged and most recently yelled, I spent more time asking than it took to complete). They look so great and now the front of my house looks how it’s supposed to look – dressed up with numbers from Provence.

So why do they respond to threats and yelling? Why? Why? Why? Cause the truth is, unless it is 4am, I really actually don’t want to do those things.

Yet between coming home at 4:30pm and hanging my French house numbers – you think I’m gonna refrain from a little yell or a threatening email again, when the opportunity presents itself?

Oh hell no.

Am I alone here, kittens?

3 Responses to Emailing at O’Dark Thirty
  1. Asti
    June 18, 2009 | 1:01 pm

    Okay well I have a recent one to share, that proves that threats do work. We have now been living in our house for 5 1/2 years and there is still a portion of our bedroom that needed painting where molding was removed. So for over 5 years I have been living with a half painted bedroom that I have begged DH to finish painting already. I asked him before DC1 was born to have it painted, never happended. Now DC1 has been born and we now have DC2 on the way, and the bedroom has yet to be painted. I too, work up one morning and said enough was enough. I told DH that he would not be able to play another golf game or do anything fun until he finished up our house. Well that weekend, I came home to a fully painted bedroom!! I then told DH how much that turned me on, so I am hoping that I now have him the palm of my hands for other chores!

  2. ABP
    June 18, 2009 | 6:09 pm

    No – you are not alone. I can tell when my husband does not want to do something. When he is asked to do some task he does not want to bother with he will either pretend he did not hear me or he will answer with a “huh” or a “what?” This is his strategy to buy himself time to quickly think of an excuse as to why he can’t do the requested task. However, if I ask him to something he likes to do – all of a sudden he does not have a hearing problem at all. I have performed this experiment millions of time and the outcome is always the same. I am noticing my 21 month old son is already doing it too – it might be a male gene thing.

  3. Asti
    June 18, 2009 | 9:07 pm

    Ditto on the hearing thing. Well according to my DH it’s anatomical to men, as a male’s ear have a problem picking up the decibels that apparently a women’s voice speak in. Ha!

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